Appreciate Being Single.

So the thirty-two year old guy, that I fell madly in LIKE with, turned out to be an ASSHOLE. I mean if I were to be honest, I got a funny feeling after our second date. Something just was not clicking and I couldn't figure out what it was. After our third date, when he pulled the ghost act, I couldn't help but feel as though this guy was beginning to remind me of my EX who TOO was the ultimate ASSHOLE.

But in Christina fashion, I kept hoping and believing that things would get better. That things would turn around. I mean, let's be real. I hardly ever fall in like with guys. The fact that this guy was 32, owned his own HOUSE, and taught special education made me swoon with raw emotion. He was tall and handsome. He had swagger for a white boy. He loved listening to old school R&B music. What was there NOT to like? I admired him so much and was drawn to his magnetic personality. The fact that he kept choosing to contact and hang out with me made him seem even more appealing.

But my gut continued to pulse, "NEXT." And after hanging out this past weekend, I've decided that this guy needs to get the BOOT. He did the ultimate ghost act AGAIN after we had made plans to hang out. Claimed he got caught up drinking with the boys. Blamed me for not texting him first to confirm our plans. And poof! Just like that, he fell off the face of the earth. Dejavu? I did this song and dance with my EX for four years too many.

One of my girlfriends said to me the other day, "I think you are attracted to a certain type of guy, and I am starting to believe that the type isn't healthy for you. You give your all and that's what you need to start doubting because you do not deserve to take someone's crap. You deserve the best." 

And after much reflection, I have realized that my friends are all right. I continue to settle for guys who do not value my worth. I once wrote a blog about God's perfect timing ... and I can clearly see that he is at it again. I stumbled across two articles/blogs the past two days that are literally crying out from the mountain tops to me. 

One guy said: "Women have become complacent and allowed men to get away with adhering to the bare minimum. Eventually, [they] will wise up and start asking for the things that they deserve, the things that used to be romantic and expected of men. Until then, men are going to get away with putting in the bare minimum and receiving what we ultimately want anyway." 

In reflection, the above statement is SO TRUE about me! I have allowed the guys I have been interested in the most, get away with doing barely anything. I am always afraid to speak up and ask for what I deserve, which results in my getting upset when I feel like I am being taken advantage of or played for a fool. But news flash ... I hold the cards! And I need to change MY approach to how I date men and who I am selecting for being potential dates. 

The other guy wrote: "As a woman, you have to have the confidence in yourself to know that you deserve someone who is into you. Don’t play the games. There are no games to be played here. It’s very cut and dry. If they’re into you, they’re into you, if they’re not, they did you a great service. If they text you instead of calling you, they don’t want a conversation on the phone.  Don’t play the games with the person. Be honest with yourself to know what you want as a person. Value yourself enough to know – they’re not going to play a texting game with you if they’re into you. At the same time, don’t make it so over-complicated that you scare the guy away. It should be simple. Like dancing."

Again, the above statement is TRUE! I need to be honest with myself and determine what is it that I want in a potential partner? And I need to build my confidence that I deserve someone who is in to me ... not someone who is going to be an ASS and take advantage of me.

I am SO glad that I came across both articles AND that both were written from the perspective of a male. My girlfriends are GREAT however they think like me - a girl. We often romanticize things and try to sugar coat and/or find excuses. The posts written by these two men were honest and real - cut and dry - black and white. And their words were exactly what I needed to hear. 

So in closing, I am ending the chapter of the 32-year-old gentleman boy. And I am going to turn to a fresh page to rewrite the chapter of the 25-year-old single woman. It is time to return to becoming everything that I want for myself, appreciating what I have to offer and setting the standards for what I expect from another person. 

As Daniel Goddard said, "You need to be able to appreciate being single because that is when you will grow the most, and with that growth, you’ll come to know what you’re looking for. Great things will happen to you when you respect yourself and embrace that you are here on this planet to do something wonderful. Find whatever it is that’s wonderful and do it. And with that you will attract someone wonderful."