3.30.2011
Advice
Well, as much as I hate to say it, everything happens for a reason. This year has been trying on you and you've learned a ton, but maybe it's not right for the long run. Now you have to dig deep and remind yourself that this is not a reflection of you or your work or anything else. This is something that is out of your hands. There is a plan. Everything happens on God's time. Not your time. Never your time. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable because you will probably find a shinier light at the end of this tunnel. - alicia lynne jones
On March 9th, 2011, I found out I was an involuntary transfer and no longer have a job at WMES.
3.20.2011
my prayer
i am truly having a difficult time right now. i am so confused about my place in life right now .... and i think i officially hate facebook. this is all sooo hard to put into words, but i think i need this school year to be over! i am truly out of my comfort zone and i think it's because of my own insecurities/the feeling that i am not connecting and do not fit in with this group of girls.
mom said it best - heela and robyn came into my life for a reason and a season :o) they truly helped me through the whole harrison ordeal and i am sooo grateful for them. however i am really sad that our group has sort of grown. i LOVE kristi and laura ... however i see and feel that robyn connects with them the MOST followed by Carroll. i LOVE robyn and heela ... but they have a close knit friendship because they work together daily :) i am soo happy for them both and the friendship they've developed, but i feel out of the loop because i am not in on their daily conversations and jokes. i am not sure what i feel about Carroll ... she is nice, but i feel no connection to her what so ever. and then there is me .... i have NO idea what these girls think of me or how i fit into this little puzzle and that frustrates me.
truth? I wish i was loud and outgoing and funny .... key word on funny. I feel as though i am too sensitive and gullible - i do not know how to joke like the others do. and i get soo shy with sharing a story bc i feel that it wont be funny and that i cannot tell it with such enthusiasm and zest as the others. carroll is connected because she did the little teacher group with robyn and heela. i am connected to robyn and heela too ... but i am pretty sure ive been really reall awkward lately! i am trying to piece together how i feel and how i fit in ... that i am sure by default, i have most certainly isolated myself. heeeeelppp! i am not sure what to do or where to go from here.
i believe that everyday is a new beginning ... but i part of me feels like i have missed out within this two week time that these girls all seemed to have connect. it is amazing how much can change in two weeks! the loss of our jobs clearly added a new dimension of friendship to the other girls ... but i am not sure i fit into that dimension. gosssh i hate girl friendships .... they can be soo cliquey and i am not about that. i am soo much more independent and so forth.
god hear my pathetic and tiresome cries .... my heart is heavy because i am so uncomfortable with where i am at in life right now. i am not sure where to turn or what to do next. i am trying to remain ever faithful and patient .... but i am losing grip with those thoughts as i want to take control .... and things are happening exactly the way want.
for god sake - all of these girls are now doing zumba too! this is either going to bring me closer to them or set me further apart. my only prayer is that i make it through this .... that i find myself again and that this ordeal brings me closer to you.
guide my steps oh lord ... give me strength. help me not to lose sight of the truly great things about myself. and lord - help me remember at the very least - to be myself. to let loose and just be me. that is the best thing i can be.
mom said it best - heela and robyn came into my life for a reason and a season :o) they truly helped me through the whole harrison ordeal and i am sooo grateful for them. however i am really sad that our group has sort of grown. i LOVE kristi and laura ... however i see and feel that robyn connects with them the MOST followed by Carroll. i LOVE robyn and heela ... but they have a close knit friendship because they work together daily :) i am soo happy for them both and the friendship they've developed, but i feel out of the loop because i am not in on their daily conversations and jokes. i am not sure what i feel about Carroll ... she is nice, but i feel no connection to her what so ever. and then there is me .... i have NO idea what these girls think of me or how i fit into this little puzzle and that frustrates me.
truth? I wish i was loud and outgoing and funny .... key word on funny. I feel as though i am too sensitive and gullible - i do not know how to joke like the others do. and i get soo shy with sharing a story bc i feel that it wont be funny and that i cannot tell it with such enthusiasm and zest as the others. carroll is connected because she did the little teacher group with robyn and heela. i am connected to robyn and heela too ... but i am pretty sure ive been really reall awkward lately! i am trying to piece together how i feel and how i fit in ... that i am sure by default, i have most certainly isolated myself. heeeeelppp! i am not sure what to do or where to go from here.
i believe that everyday is a new beginning ... but i part of me feels like i have missed out within this two week time that these girls all seemed to have connect. it is amazing how much can change in two weeks! the loss of our jobs clearly added a new dimension of friendship to the other girls ... but i am not sure i fit into that dimension. gosssh i hate girl friendships .... they can be soo cliquey and i am not about that. i am soo much more independent and so forth.
god hear my pathetic and tiresome cries .... my heart is heavy because i am so uncomfortable with where i am at in life right now. i am not sure where to turn or what to do next. i am trying to remain ever faithful and patient .... but i am losing grip with those thoughts as i want to take control .... and things are happening exactly the way want.
for god sake - all of these girls are now doing zumba too! this is either going to bring me closer to them or set me further apart. my only prayer is that i make it through this .... that i find myself again and that this ordeal brings me closer to you.
guide my steps oh lord ... give me strength. help me not to lose sight of the truly great things about myself. and lord - help me remember at the very least - to be myself. to let loose and just be me. that is the best thing i can be.
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