I am in this place again. Why does this happen? Am I the only person this happens too? I am feeling so insecure ... I am feeling dissatisfied. I feel as though I have no one to talk to.
I just found out that I was NOT invited to a happy hour with former Watkins Mill Staff. OUCH - that hurts. That makes me feel blue. I found out about a beach vacation rental ... and I realized I have no friends who I'd be comfortable asking to join me for a weekend trip. Boo Hoo.
I reflected on my situation at work - and I feel all alone. I do not trust anyone and I do not have any one to confide in. I am a constant ball of stress, worry and fear when I am in that place - and I constantly doubt my abilities. WHAAAT ISS WRONNGG WITH ME!?
The craziest thing - is - I do this all the time! I have too many plans ... too many people to see and/or make time for. Too much going on. And then when I have a lull in text messages, communication with others, plans, etc ... I freak. I feel unloved. I feel unwanted. I feel alone. I feel hated. I feel like an outcast. WHY DO I TORTURE MYSELF LIKE THIS?
I am a nut case apparently. An unhappy, ungrateful, dissatisfied one. So the question is this: How do I pull myself together and get out of this blue spell. How do I remain thankful for what I have and what God's given me. How do I trust that I have dear friends who truly care about me? How do I find peace in knowing that even though we all have terribly busy schedules, that does not change the friendship that we have?
My friend thinks it's all the stress at school and Lance leaving. She could be right. She probably is right. Oh! And maybe it's that my best friend has a boyfriend. Heck - most of my best friends have boyfriends. And one of my best friends lives in Baltimore. And another has a potential boy in the works. And it's spring time and warm outside ... and I am alone.
Christina - get a grip get a grip GET A GRIP! Remember ... you've got a couple of friends who care about you. You mean the world to them! Think of Kat, Leish, Tash, Jen, Erica ... they check on you and would find it odd if they had not heard from you in a long while. Think of Stacy and Robyn ... your work out buddies. Think of Anne - who cherishes your spirit and soul. Think of your sister ... that's a whole heck of a lot of people who care. Be fortunate ... some people do not even have two souls who care that much.
Here's what I need to do - as I sit here and rant, ramble and stew -
- Keep my eyes, heart and mind set on God.
- Do the best I can ... and be the best teacher that I can be ... at work.
- Keep in contact with those I value most - and hope that maybe they'll keep in contact back.
- Focus on the positive in my life.
- Perhaps go on facebook and twitter less again?
- Practice the art of NOT gossiping.
- Be honest and true to everyone - have integrity.
Okay ... so that's where I am going to start. Let's see if I can turn my attitude and outlook around :o) Glass half full glass half full ... Here's to buckling up and keeping it going. :o)
