I am lost in my life right now ... it's that time of month when I find myself unhappy with certain aspects of my life or when I start to envy the things the others have. HELP! I hate it when I become this girl - my insecurities get the best of me and I become needy/clingy/disgusting!
I have a lot to be thankful for. I HAVE A LOT TO BE THANKFUL FOR. I need to trust that God is working in my life and that everything happens for a reason. Today ... I am jealous of my roommate. I am jealous that she's been receiving phone calls from Stephanie. I am jealous that her and Stacy continue to have hour long chats after workouts about their lives. I am jealous that she has all of these friends I know nothing of. This is ludacris! Why am I envying these things?
I am bothered that I have not talked to my best friend in a week. She has a new boyfriend and has fallen off the face of the earth. I am bothered that I have not talked to Alicia .... where has she been? I am bothered that I have not talked to Jen or Erica ... HELL - why has Erica fallen off the face of the earth!? I have not really heard from her since January because she's so gosh darn hard to get ahold of.
So then I worry ... and I sit ... and I stew ... and I over think. And I question myself and my qualities. And I worry myself sick. And I worry some more. Why do I do this? WHY WHY WHY!? I repeat - I have so much to be thankful for. Why am I worrying myself sick over silliness?
Why do I feel so sad or unhappy today? Why do I feel soo down? I need to shake this spirit. This is not very becoming of me. In fact - this makes me want to go get a gelato from Rita's. This weather makes me miss college ... when Kat, Leishy and I would go get italian ice on a warm spring evening.
I need to get it together. This is ridiculous and not very becoming. I need to buckle up ... and just keep going. I cannot be lost forever ...
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