Forever My Love

It is amazing how one moment ... one second can change everything. That moment/second has the potential to rock your entire world.

Sunday October 8th. Mike left the basement to take a phone call. Nate had called. There was trouble and heartbreak brewing in his marriage. Mike returned to the basement an hour or two later and remarked that he didnt think he was cut out for marriage. And I literally snapped. I sobbed. I poured my heart out. I aired out months of dirty laundry that I had been shoving in the crevices of my heart.

I told Mike that if was not ready to get married, then we had no business being together. I mean, we have been together for 2 and a half years. If he does not see marriage (which I very much hope for) then why would we continue to remain together. Shit or get off the pot. He wanted time to think about his response. To really think about it. I left an emotional wreck. Did not even hug him or look him in the eye. Tail lights and smoke behind me as I took off down the road at 10PM in the evening.

Flash forward two weeks later ... I am single. We broke up on October 11th, 2017. I have not heard from him since we last spoke. And I am devastated. I lost my best friend and my boyfriend in one moment. Literally in a matter of seconds. And I have been lost and confused, every second of every day ever since.

I have been sitting in a pile of mess. Emotions all over the place. Thoughts all scattered. Trying to put the puzzle of my relationship and life back together. How did we get to this place? How do we go back to a few weeks ago when everything was wonderful. How do I get my best friend back?

Will I ever hear from him again? Does he miss me? Is he thinking about me as much as I think about him?

I hate this new chapter of life. Not because I am not open to change. But because I cannot help but wonder if I fucked up. Michael Joseph Terwilliger was my world. The bright spot in each and every day. The person I admired most. The person I laughed with the most. Who pushed me to be a better person. He was my safe haven in a world of crazy.

I am not sure if I will ever hear from him again. I am not sure if he even thinks about me for a second. But if he was reading this ... I would tell him: I miss you. Every single second of every single day. I love you more than I could ever explain. I am so grateful for the time we shared together and your impact on my life. I want nothing but the best for you. I wish you all the happiness in the world. I look forward to the day when I hear from you/see you again. Forever my love.

Christina