The most troubling to me, however, has been my post observation meeting with my principal today. Earlier in the week, I planned and taught a lesson in reading; and my principal came to my classroom to observe me teaching. Today we both met to discuss my lesson, and I was eager to hear what constructive criticism and positive feedback she had to provide. Unexpectedly, we began the meeting with small chat about how I am doing and how reading instruction is going in the classroom.
Feeling at ease and confident, I responded "Laura and me" have been implementing a new structure for our guided reading block and we are working together to improve the structure. My principal immediately interrupted me and said that I ought to learn the King's English ... because "Laura and me" is improper. Instead, she pointed out that I should have said "Laura and I." My principal then continued to say that I need to ask my coworker to assist me (in fixing this horrible mistake) by pointing out when I make this grievous error. I was beyond flabbergasted and caught off guard. I did not know what to think ... other than, "SHIT!" Think carefully about what you say next so that you do not make the King frown upon your grammatical mishaps in conversation.
After this point in conversation, I think my brain went black. I was preoccupied with holding back my tears, formulating grammatically correct sentences to respond to my principal AND relaxing my face muscles ... so that my administrator did not see my defeat and panic. Fortunately, or maybe unfortunately, I have been asked to be observed .... AGAIN. F M L. Oh wait ... that's not the King's English. I am so frustrated right now ... I HATE being a novice at things ... and I hate doing anything less than perfection. I am upset my principal found so much wrong with my lesson ... although she made a few valid points that I have considered. I am angry that I did not follow my instincts and tell my co-teacher that I was uncomfortable teaching this lesson that she thought would be spectacular. I am overwhelmed at the pressure and responsibility of having to bring my special education students up at least five book levels by the end of the year. Oh! And at ensuring that they will have passing scores on the MSA's in March.
I bawled all afternoon ... in fact, I look like a swollen baboon right now.
I bitched and complained to my friends and family. And almost 12 hours later ... I am beginning to feel better. I pray that God gives me strength to face the obstacles that are put in my path this school year. I pray that these obstacles help me build a tough exterior and support my development as a teacher. What doesn't kill me will only make me stronger ... and God will not put me in a situation that I cannot get through without him. Thank you Jesus for putting me back on the potter's wheel ... help me Let Go and Let You direct my steps. I will get through this ... and I will be better for it.
In the meantime ... I don't think I will EVER make the mistake of saying "So and So ... and ME" ever AGAIN! Perhaps I should purchase a rosetta stone program ... and brush up on my grammar ;o)
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