Cannes Road ... Freeport, Bahamas

For one week, this is where I stayed in Freeport, Bahamas. Every morning, I woke up to crystal clear blue skies, a fantastic pool and a beautiful beach. This gave a whole new meaning to the words vacation and paradise.

First Year of Teaching .... Done!

What a crazy ride my life has been. I feel like I NEVER have time to write anymore ... and when I do, I am too tired to put my thoughts down on paper. So much has happened lately that I am not even sure where to begin in regards to updating you all on my life.

On June 16th, school ended and I could proudly say that I had just finished my first year of teaching! It is CRAZY to think my first year has gone by so fast! It is even crazier to think about the successes and challenges I have accomplished, endured and overcome throughout the course of this year. It was incredibly hard saying good bye to my students. I cried and cried and cried. I cannot believe not only that I have to say goodbye to my little angels, but that I will not be in the same building with them next year to check up on their progress.

It was an INCREDIBLE experience working with these little ones. I had the good fortune of teaching ten students over the course of this past year with a variety of strengths and weaknesses. Each of my students had a disability that kept them from being able to participate fully in the general education classrooms. All of my students were one if not more grade levels below in reading, writing and mathematics. In addition, several of my students had some severe behaviors that kept them from being able to participate even in our self-contained special education classroom. Regardless, I laughed, cried and grew with this group of students. Not every moment was great ... I had my fair share of challenges, but I would not change a thing looking back on it all. These little ones have touched my life FOREVER and I owe everything that I learned and accomplished within my first year to each and every one of them. I will carry the memory of them with me forever. My only hope is that everyone they encounter loves them at least half as much if not more than I loved them <3

A hundred years from now it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove ... but the world maybe different because I was important in the life of a child.

As We Go On ...

I have been an extremely busy gal as I have been closing out my first year of teaching! Last week was the last full week of school, and there were many reading and math assessments to administer/complete. I had to begin packing up my classroom, as I will not be a teacher at this same school next year. I had the opportunity to attend a happy hour with the new teachers I will be working with at a new school; and I dined with several college girlfriends on the other respective nights. I got drinks with high school friends on Friday and attended one of my college girlfriends bridal showers yesterday. I also finally signed the lease for my new condo! Wow ... all I can say is I have truly been a busy girl.

Here are some photo memories of the past couple of days:

Three of our coworkers threw us a beautiful good-bye party. The cake pictured above shows the six teachers who lost jobs at our current school. We represent some of the youngest, most enthusiastic and dedicated teachers at our current school.

We even received parting gifts! Thank you Shannel and Allyson for this event <3

My favorite WM teachers and friends! We are taking a week vacation to the bahamas this Friday to enjoy one last hoorah together ... considering none of us will be working at the same schools next year.

Last Thursday, our students threw us a surprise going away party! 

I will truly miss teaching at WM and being a member of their staff. More importantly, I will miss my students and all of the wonderful people I have become friends with. What an ending to a crazy first year of teaching!

Beginning to pack up my life ... my classroom ... my first year of teaching :(

This is A LOT of work!

We have exactly 3 and a 1/2 days of school left! The countdown begins now! I am heading into work today to continue packing up my classroom. I have finished my report card comments ... and I will do grades tomorrow. I am finished with all of my IEP meetings ... yaaahoooo! Thursday we have a staff lunch at Guapos after we put the kids on the bus for summer vacation :o) Friday morning at 9:00am I will be on a plane headed to the Bahamas with the girls pictured above! I cannot believe this year went by SOOO fast and that my first year of teaching is officially completed. It has come to an end. I am no longer a rookie rookie ... just a rookie. I have grown so much as a teacher and as a person. I am incredibly thankful for this year and I cannot wait to see what new memories and experiences next year will hold!

Semper Fi

(eighth grade ... best friends)

I am feeling the blues. I have been extra sensitive the past week ... and I attribute much of this to PMS. However, I am really blue now after having to say goodbye to Sean. My weekend could not have been more perfect....

On Friday, I received three missed phone calls from Sean. I called him back to find out he was home for the weekend and wanted to work out together. Of course I jumped at the idea :o) We met up and went for a two mile run around a beautiful lake. We returned to his house to reconnect and spend some time together. After he prepared for dinner at longhorn with his family, I left for my house. I ended up falling asleep on the couch....

Only to be wakened by the sound of my cell phone ringing the next morning. Sean wanted to hang out again and go for a run :o) Again ... I jumped at the idea! We ran two miles ... around my neighborhood and up to the local town center and back to my house again. At my house, we spent some time stretching and talking. Then I drove Sean back to his house ... and hung out for a bit with him and his mother. I returned back to my house to shower and prepare for a massage appointment. Then I went shopping with my younger sister. When I returned home, Sean asked me to come back over to his house. We hung out until about 10pm ... when he decided to go play pool ... and I decided to go to my friend's Memorial Day barbeque. 

My only regret of this ENTIRE WEEKEND is not going to play pool with Sean. I wish I had been able to spend a little bit more time in his company.

Sunday morning, I called Sean to go to the local gym. We spent over two hours there ... and by the time we had left, we had run 6 miles and lifted weights. He rode with me on errands and we went to visit my friends. I dropped him off at his house ... and then enjoyed a Memorial Day cookout with my family at my house. Sunday was the evening he was set to go back to his college house in Winchester and back up his remaining belongings.

Before I left with family to go see the Hangover 2, I made sure to go say my last farewell to Sean. He - per usual - was semi rude hahaha. His mother flipped out that he was not paying me more attention or spending last moments with me. Typical Sean ... I was not hurt nor offended ... it's the usual. I did not have much time, as I had an 8:45pm movie to catch, so we went out to the parking lot to say our goodbyes. No sooner had we left his front porch, did Sean tell me not to cry. The funny thing is I had been rehearsing all weekend ... my exact words to him upon his departure. Part of my rehearsal was telling myself not to cry. But like the good old days ... when we dated and Sean would read me like a book ... he saw the tears building up in my eyes and commented. 

Needless to say, my floodgates opened and I bawled. I cried and cried and cried ... and I am not even sure why. Sean was hard to read. He told me he cared about me and that he would see me again. He told me to stop crying ... that I would not miss him and that I would continue on with my life. He reminded me that the past several months ... I never called or needed him ... so there would be no need for me to think I would all of a sudden need him now. Although in some ways he is exactly right, I told him the difference is I cannot just pick up the phone and call him whenever I want. I cannot look forward to seeing him on Facebook chat or on instant messenger whenever I want. I cannot drive up to Winchester to spend the weekend with him whenever I want. And most importantly ... I recognize that this is a change that will forever impact what is and is not for us. 

Sean is preparing to be a marine. Not a civilian ... he has done that for the past 22 years of his life. But a marine, and with service to our country, comes great sacrifices. I cried because we will never be boyfriend and girlfriend again. I cried because he will never live five minutes down the street from me again. I cried because he will never be fully mine again. I cried because I know life is going to take us both in different directions. Sean is going to see the world ... possibly meet the woman of his dreams ... settle down and begin a family. I am going to continue teaching in Maryland ... meet the man of my dreams ... settle down and begin a family. However, in my heart, I know this story will most likely not end with him. 

It may sound silly ... and now I am venting … but I know this is where our story ends. I would imagine we would keep in touch and remain distant friends throughout the years. However, I had always dreamed of marrying Sean. Back in 2006 when we first became an item, we promised that we would forever be in one another’s lives. Sean got down on one knee and told me I was the one … the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. The one he wanted to have babies with. But then a funny thing called life got in the way, we grew older … had our issues … and decided to go our separate ways. He dated several others … I remained single … but I never quite got over him or the dreams we had shared.

Every time we get together … I cannot help but feel there is some type of connection still. I mean … I know the bond that we shared for four years – no one will EVER be able to take from him or me. Sean and I were one another’s first loves. We lost our virginities to one another. We shared a first kiss … a first I love you … a first fight … a first everything. And no matter how much I date or spend time with new suitors … I cannot shake that there is something different and special about Sean … that I want him to be in my life forever.

Okay. So now I am rambling on and on and on. In a perfect world, I am so proud of Sean and his choice to enlist. I know he is doing what he has been called to do … and I know he will be great at it. I also know that if we are meant to remain friends … if we are meant to cross paths again … even if we are meant to marry, it will happen. But I think I would be okay with all of this if I knew in my heart of hearts that Sean felt EXACTLY the way I do about everything. And that maybe, he stays up late at night pondering the same things I ponder – in relation to him and I.

I would imagine one day I will come back across this and think to myself, “Wow Christina! How selfish and immature were you?” I may even look back and laugh saying, “Oh my gosh! I remember when I thought Sean was the one … and now look, I am happy and blessed with someone who feels the same way about me as I do about them.”

I do not know what the future holds … and I look over the past and marvel at how much things have changed and how much things have remained the same. Basically, this blog entry is for me to clear my chest and clear my mind. And to document that I already miss Sean more than I ever imagined. And I hope he does not forget me … and that maybe, just maybe, at some point … I will be on his mind. One thing is for sure, I know what we had was real – and I will forever hold a piece of his heart. I just pray that he remains safe … that he makes it through boot camp and that he comes out a man!

Again, Sean I miss you already! I love you more than words can share. I am thankful for having had the opportunity to spend a chunk of my life in your arms … and to spend time with you during your last moments as a civilian. You have forever changed my life just by being in it … and I pray that you are fulfilled by the commitment you are making :o) God Speed … Semper Fi <3

Christina

(first date ... October 6th, 2006)

"You will never forget your first love. That's what makes it so special. You love so hard, so deeply, and so intensely because you don’t know any different. It's the best until it is over. Then you hurt like you've never been hurt before. Eventually you love again, but you love differently. You will love more carefully, more cautiously. Just know that there is so much more love waiting for you, but there will always only be one first."

USMC Sean McKenzie

Give me the greatness of heart to see

The difference between duty and his love for me
Give me understanding so that I may know
When duty calls, he must go

Give me a task to do each day
To fill the time while he is away
When is in a foreign land
Keep him safe in your loving hand

When his duty is in the field
Please protect him and be his shield
And when he is gone for so long
Please stay with me and keep me strong

Marine to be Sean McKenzie in Fort Meade

Taking an Oath

He's going to Parris Island! 

Sean with his parents before leaving

See you in 13 weeks Marine! <3