Self Reflection

I have been deep in thought lately, about what it is that I admire about myself and what it is that I need to work on. I think it would be beneficial to write down what is worth changing or improving ... so that I can use it to reflect and become a better person.

1. I need to stop talking about other people. If I am celebrating another's accomplishments or good doing, I need NOT talk about them.
2. I need anger management help. Sometimes I get so angry (about stupid stuff) and I allow it to get me into a uncontrollable funk. It is then that I am at my worst, and I will say or do things that are ruthless and spiteful just to make me temporarily feel better.
3. I need to not be boastful. There is NO need to talk about my accomplishments and blessings obnoxiously, especially if it has no benefit to anyone else.
4. I need to determine who is a person of value in my life, and who is worth letting go. I cannot be friends with EVERYONE ... so now is the time to determine who is really worth my time and energy, and who is not.
5. I need to make a better effort to reach out to those I care about and reconnect.
6. I need to stop being so selfish and only caring about myself.
7. I need to limit my social media usage.

Things I would like to continue ... because I do think it makes me a better peson:

1. I should continue to pray. Everyday. Ask God for strength, guidance and forgiveness.
2. I should perform random acts of kindness ... a good deed or kind words can go a long way.
3. I should aim to let my actions speak louder than my words.
4. I should try to listen more than I speak.
5. I think it is good that I do not hold my tounge ... I should continue to stand up for myself and not let anyone walk all over me.
6. I need to try to be a better person ... to have a kind heart and even kinder actions. 

Jumping the Broom

Music I would consider walking down the isle to:

• Pachelbel Cannon in D 
• Bach, Air on the G string
• The Butterfly Waltz
• Kenny G Forever in Love
• Ave Maria

moving day...

I move out this weekend! I cannot believe it ... but it is finally happening :o)

let go and let god

I am so lost and confused lord .... help me! I will never forget the challenges I have faced this summer ... nor the struggles I have endured. This is new to me. This is new for me. It has been a long long time since I have last wrestled with struggles likes these. I hate the fact that I am changing ... friendships are changing ... people are changing. I miss who we were but I cannot help but wonder who will we become? Lord, help me be strong. Help me be independent. Help me be faithful. Help me trust in you ... to lead my steps down the right path. Help me to stop trying to be in control .... there is the ticket! I am trying to be in control ... and I need to let go of the steering wheel. Lord I call out to you .... HELP ME! I need your help oh lord ... for I am lost and I do not know what to do. And I am tired of feeling this way ... this emptiness ... this void ... this confusion ... this hurt ... Lord help me LET GO AND LET GOD.

"The Instabilities and struggles in our friendships/relation​ships are either signs that it's time to let them go, or tests that make us remember why we held on for so long in the first place. "

Crossroads...

“You are now at a crossroads. This is your opportunity to make the most important decision you will ever make. Forget your past. Who are you now? Who have you decided you really are now? Don't think about who you have been. Who are you now? Who have you decided to become? Make this decision consciously. Make it carefully. Make it powerfully.”

HELP! I am sitting in the middle of a crossroads ... and I do not know which road to travel down. Everything in my life is going according to plan // I am content with it ... minus many of my relationships with friends. Why am I having this struggle with friendships ... with determining who is real and who is fake? With who I should hold on to and who should I let go of? Who am I? What do I stand for? Have I changed ... to the point that I am lost and that I have forgotten who I am and/or where I have come from? 

I have many decisions to make ... I hope I have what it takes to make them and to never look back.

Happy Fourth: Change of Heart?

I wrote him a letter at bootcamp on Friday night. Saturday morning, I got a text from his parents saying that they had received a letter from Sean (at bootcamp) and it was addressed to me. He did not have my address but was hoping his parents could get the letter to me. I wrote him another letter back and sent pictures. Again, I do not know what the future holds but I am not going to question it too much. I am going to live in the moment and enjoy all the blessings I have in my life. And I will pray that with time, God reveals what his plan is for my life.

Happy Fourth of July. My weekend was truly blessed with the company of my loving family. I pray all of my readers weekends were blessed as well.

Goodnight.

life is not going to be the same

As another year comes and goes, I find myself sitting in the middle of train tracks that can take me each and every direction I could possibly imagine. The only problem is, I am not confident about the train track I should head down on.

It has been two years since Sean and I have officially broken up. It has most likely been three or so years since we were involved in a serious relationship. We have both grown up, grown apart and developed new chapters to our life stories.

I can confidently look back over my four or five years with him, and see how I fell in love, lost myself completely and then found myself all over again. It is truly amazing to be able to be a witness to my own personal struggles, triumphs and progress.

I have teetered tottered on whether or not I should wait around for Sean or move on with my life. I have spent countless nights contemplating what I feel for him and where we stand with one another. I think his being away at boot camp has been the BEST thing to EVER happen to me. It has given me a chance to do so many things and process so many thoughts and feelings.

I recognize that I Sean is my safety zone. My comfort. My familiarity. I could not tell you if I was or was not in love with him anymore. I cannot honestly say that I want to marry him or spend my life with him. I have not the slightest clue if he is in love with me or even wants to begin a life by my side. But the real truth is, I do not feel like asking these questions anymore.

What I do know is I care about Sean and want the best for him. He will always have a place in my heart as my first love … the one who took my breath away for the very first time. No one can ever replace him or the memories we created and shared together.

But today is a new day. I am going to choose a road to go down … I hope that from this point forward, my life is not going to be the same.