Silver Spoons

A few weeks ago, I spent the afternoon with some friends. We laughed and we talked. We shot photos out at a cute little farm in Virginia. The weather was absolutely gorgeous and the company was genuine and warm. As the afternoon went on, one of the girls asked various questions about me and my life. She was amazed at how positive I was and complimented my on my energy. She said many a things that day ... but one comment/statement she made continues to haunt me.

While driving out to Reston for dinner at Vapianos, she concluded that my life had been handed to me on a silver platter. A Christian woman who believes in allowing God to use and move you, she mused that I would need to leave the Maryland area ... move to a different state and start from scratch in order for God to move in my life. She felt that moving away from everything I know ... would be the key in me learning to trust in him and only in him. From our friendly conversation throughout the day <and what I assume is her judgement of my social media posts> she felt that everything had come so easily to me. My job. My house. My earnings. My friendships. My relationships. My schooling. All that I had, seemed to come so easily. So why would I rely on God? Why would I trust in him when life was so easy for me.

Her statement resulted in me coming clean. Literally emptying my heart and soul. Testifying about my journey. About my life. My struggles. After two hours of me pouring my heart out to her, she retracted her earlier statements concluding - perhaps she had judged me wrongly or unfairly. She did not realize that I too had struggled. That I had gone through trials and tribulations. That my life - so seemingly perfect - was not at all what it seemed.

I would like to think she walked away a changed individual. That she changed her heart. She rethought her assertions. That she would no longer judge a book by it's cover again. But this likes are probably in vain.

More importantly - it's crazy that almost three weeks later, I continue to recall those statements. That conversation. That night. I do not know if I am angry at the conclusions she made or if I am simply perplexed. If anything - I am at a loss for words. A lesson I took from this is that social media distorts the truth. We compare our downs with everyone else's ups. We see snapshots ... glimpses of other's lives. Of their realities. And we think that we know them. We think that they are living this picture perfect life. Out all the time. Always with friends. In beautiful locations. Dining on scrumptious foods.

But the reality is that - people only show you what they want you to see. There's three sides to every story. What you see [what a person will tell you]. What you don't see [what they are not telling you]. And the truth.

I would be lying to say that my life isn't pretty darn blessed. I know that. I am thankful for that. But people - those who I sit with every day. Those I talk to on a weekly basis. They do not always know my struggle. They do not see me at night ... when I cry myself to sleep. They do not see me in the morning when my anxieties get the best of me. They do not see me when I am on a three mile run ... pounding into the pavement to release my stress or to alleviate my fears. I put on a happy face because I want people to see my upbeat nature and personality. Not the demons that visit me when I am alone.

I guess the point of this entry is not to be super depressing. Or to get pity or sympathy. But it's to remind you - yes you reading this - not to judge a book by it's cover. Not to think that a face book post or an instagram photo is representative ... comprehensive of a person's life. To realize that we all struggle. We are all going through something. Our somethings just look different. How we handle these somethings may be different. And that's okay. Because each of our journeys is our own. It's going to look different. It's going to present different trials and different tribulations. We will have different triumphs and celebrations. That is life.

That is why I blog. Why I have this blog. My journey is what makes me human. It let's me know I am alive. That I am changing. Growing. Becoming the person I was meant to be.

And most importantly - it makes me appreciate those in my life who have loved me when I am not so very lovable. Who have laughed and cried with me. Who have lifted me up when I was down, and celebrated with me when I was on top. Those who know my story. Who have seen my struggle and my growth. Those who can remind me of how far I have come, and help me push ahead to be the best I can be.

So to the girl who thought she knew me ... Think again. 

You're just beginning to scratch the surface.