HE is the first guy in a VERY long time to catch my eye ... and I am giddy with revelations as I continue to learn more about him. I admire his passion for teaching and the green in his eyes. I like the way he is roots for the underdog and helps all of the people he loves.
I think it's cool how he loves music and has a wide knowledge base of TV shows, music and norms customary of African American culture. I like how he is a runner and is in love with his pup. I also like that he has a sense of humor and undeniable energy to keep moving.
I think it's awesome that he's started a blog - it shows me another side of him, one that I do not get to see when I am in person with him. I like that he wants to travel the world (and already has). That he is older, therefore a bit wiser and deeper then most guys I've had the fortune (or misfortune) of dating.
I am absolutely in like with HIM ... but I do not think he has any clue.
And to be quite honst, I am not sure if he has the same feelings for me.
To be perfectly honest, I am scared of putting myself out there one hundred percent. I know I should or else I will look back and have regrets. However, I get paralyzed within my own fear and freeze up. I must do the ONE thing I think I cannot do ... yet I do not do it.
In a perfect world, I wish he would pursue me ... listen to me talk for hours about the depths of my soul ... cuddle with my for endless hours watching chic flicks ... always want to hang out and hang on my every word. I would want for him to think about me ALL day. Text me thoughtless somethings all day long. Tell me I am beautiful. Tell me I am sexy. Kiss me on my forehead. Say how much he likes me. Say what he likes about me. Be totally and absolutely emotionally available to me.
But HE is a guy. Perhaps even a MAN. And I am probably foolish to believe that a man would do such things. There once was someone who would ... but that was a fairytale with an unfortunate ending anyway.
So I get lost in my thoughts [and fantasies] and struggle with remaining in the present. At some moments, it's hard to depict my fantasy from reality.
If I could tell YOU one thing ... it's that I am not looking for a husband right now. I am not even looking for love. But I am looking for the companionship of someone who I care about, and who maybe feels feelings of care for me. I am looking to get to know YOU better and to build the foundation of a very strong friendship - because if nothing else, I admire and look up to you. I want to feel connected - physically, socially and emotionally with you.
I want to *date* you without the official title right now.
Is that what we have been doing? I do not even know. I think you're interested on some level ... but are you romantically interested? Interested enough to get to know me deeper. To care about me deeper? I do not know.
So I write my thoughts out to you ... here ... and hope that one day I gain the courage and confidance to share them with you.
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