Quarter Life Crisis

The title of my blog is One Year to a Quarter Life Crisis. At one point in time, it was titled something entirely different. And to be honest, I could not tell you the former title if my life depended on it. What I do know is, I entitled my blog One Year to a Quarter Life Crisis because I am in fact ... ONE year away from my QUARTER year of life. Yes ... this time next year, I will be 25 years old. And if I did not know any better, I have been going through my quarter life crisis for the past year or two ... or maybe even three. 

Over the course of the last one or two or three years, I have began to realize many things about myself that I did not know and do not like. I feel insecure EVERY SINGLE DAY and in EVERY SINGLE WAY; and I am worried about where I will be in a few years ... because let's be real, what is this place I find myself in now? 

I have come to realize the SCARIEST thing one could possibly have the fortune of realizing: the friends I thought I was close to ... yeah, well I am not close to many of them anymore. I have also began to realize that some of those friends I have lost touch with, I have lost touch with because of something I have said or done in a moment of selfishness (and narrow mindedness <---- is that even a word?).  I am concerned that in two years, I will have NO friends - or rather, none that I can truly confide in or feel connected to anyway. 

My opinions have gotten stronger and I now have boundaries in my life, that define what is acceptable and what is not. Literally, one minute I am feeling secure. And in a heartbeat, I am feeling insecure. I cry myself to sleep many nights ... as I feel so alone, scared AND (to make matters worse) confused. I despise change with all my might and I find myself holding on to my past for dear life. Funny that my past, which was once so familiar and comforting, is now drifting further and further away. 

I muse everyday, why I have yet to meet someone decent enough. Why I continue to attract guys who I am simply not interested in. If my standards are too high, or the guys who are pursuing me are just not worth settling for. I go through the SAME song and dance (specifically known as emotions & questions) every single freaking day. Heck! I am terrified that I will NEVER find my way off this merry-go-round. Over and OVER and over ... these emotions and questions go around and around. 

I feel so embarrassed about all of this too! I feel like I cannot tell these fears and thoughts to my girlfriends, or else they will be annoyed or judge me. I worry about paying off my loans and having enough money to pay my bills. I worry about finding myself in a predicament where I have to move home again because I cannot afford living on my own. 

But like my blog subtitle states: We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this thing out. I have GOT to be experiencing my quarter life crisis. I am one year away, and I am already going through. And #1 question is - will these feelings, emotions and thoughts last forever? Will I figure this all out? Or will I live in misery for the rest of my life ... because I am having a life crisis? 

One. Year. To. A. Quarter. Life Crisis.