The Battle Within

I think I am battling depression again; or I am definitely at a crossroads in my life. A season of change and growth is definitely upon me. I am not sad but I am not as happy as I think I should be. I feel extremely insecure and vulnerable ... and nowadays, I am beginning to wonder if I am lost. I do not know who to turn to. I want to cry out for help ... but I am not sure who would answer. I battle with who my real friends are ... and whether or not they even want to help me through this. I feel so pitiful ... so pathetic. I am embarrassed about my tears and fears. Perhaps, this is why I am afraid to cry out. I do not want to be judged ... I am already judging myself enough as it is. I do not know what I am going to do ... or how I will get through this. But I am scared ... Lord, I am so scared of this place. I do not want to find myself here, this time next year. This place I find myself in is lonely and dark. The sun has to shine again .... right? I need help. And I hope someone sees through my fake smiles and happy charades ... that I am hurting and crying out for help. I have got to get out of this place....