Growth!

May you approach this season with gratitude and a deeply rooted hope that everyday will teach you something that is an integral part of your growth. No matter how things turn out for you today, today is an integral part of your growth. So be kind to yourself today. Do not let other people make you feel like you have to rush through this season, or any other stage of your life. Even when people want the best for you, you have to know that was is even better for you is to grow at the pace that you were meant to grow. Have grace for yourself, have grace for others, and know that there is endless, boundless grace being poured over your life everyday. Grace that says it’s okay to live life with gratitude, joy, and resilience even before you know what tomorrow looks like. Continue to give your all, but know that is okay if your “all” looks different than others. You are the journey you are meant to be on. You will get where you need to be when you get there. Have gratitude for every step, knowing you are going to learn something everyday. — Morgan Harper Nichols

Every Year is a Sign of Your Growth

Every year is a sign of your growth. every breath points to meaningful life that matters much more than you know. May today be one of those days you take it all moment by moment, rushing in and out of nothing, showing up, as you are unhurried, allowing yourself to merely be, even in the wild of things, for even here in the thick of the forest, you are allowed to slow down and breathe, letting yesterday be yesterday, no matter the things that have changed, finding brave and brand new ways to see every present day: as something meaningful,  and strangely beautiful, and somehow, through it all, worth living for. for after all that you have been through, there is still so much more to you, the mountains you have climbed will only lead to what’s to come. and even though there might be days where it does not feel that way, and you feel that nothing is happening and it seems not much has changed, there is still this endless grace reminding you over and over again no matter the darkness that found you Light is still pouring in. so carry on with courage, taking careful, mindful steps, knowing there is grace for you as you venture toward the depths; an ever-inviting ocean of Love that calls you by your name to go beyond the shore and never be the same. for all along, you have been worthy of being seen and Loved as who you are, and you have been worthy of a journey where you will only continue to grow, so never forget the progress you have made or the mountains you have climbed never forget that beautiful new things will come together in their time. and I know that the world has been heavy and there have been too many moments where your heart felt anything but steady, but somehow, you kept breathing, you continued to hold on to something more, you stayed in brave pursuit of a life beyond the shore. and there is no way of knowing exactly what tomorrow will look like, and you might feel do not have strength for the days that lie ahead of you, but even here, you can trust, that grace is more than enough, and there will still be Light, and there will still be Love. you may feel you have a way to go, but may you remember how far you have come. may you remember the roads you have traveled underneath that heavy noonday sun. for every step you have taken has strengthened you. every year is a sign of your growth. every breath points to meaningful life that matters much more than you know. — Morgan Harper Nichols

when your progress does not feel like very much

You came into this season

not knowing what tomorrow would bring,

but you made the brave decision

to keep trusting, and to keep going.

And even on days like this, that means everything.

And on those days

when your progress does not feel like very much,

and you find yourself wondering

if you will ever be enough,

remember that a few hundred nights ago,

you were not sure you’d make it here.

But here you are, living and breathing

on the other side of those old fears.

And new fears may arise,

and you may feel the weight of your unknowns,

but no matter how heavy all of it feels,

you are free to let them go.

You are free to step into tomorrow,

with wide-eyed hope and expectation

that no matter what does

or does not happen,

you are going to grow

in the way you were meant to.

So keep your eyes fixed on Light,

ever-coming in the morning,

reminding you it is okay,

to awake and start anew again.

Take heart, breathe deep,

keep a mindful, steady pace.

You may not have reached those further mountains,

but you are still well on your way.

And whether you fly or whether you fail,

or you feel at home or out of place,

you are still traveling for a reason,

and you have not fallen out of grace.

So let it be grace that gives you hope

in the middle of the day,

glorious unmerited favor

that reminds you it is okay...

it is okay to slow down

and take moment just to breathe,

and be reminded that in the chaos,

you can still find the peace you need:

peace within your soul to know

there is no comparison for the journey you are on.

You are where you need to be,

and no one can replace you.

Remember how far you have come.

Remember the miles that you have traveled.

Even if you are not where you thought you would be,

you have already it through so many things,

and even in seasons like this,

that is still worth acknowledging and celebrating

By: MHN

365 days

365 days ago, I sat in my car in a parking lot off Route One, a hysterical mess. I was defeated. I felt rejected. One single ten-minute phone conversation changed the course of my life.

Lost and heartbroken, I spiraled in depression and despair for the next couple of months. I spent way too much money on a psychic (who promised to reconnect my "twin flame" and I), drank way too much alcohol and wandered way too many streets aimlessly in the middle of the night. At that dark time in my life, I was unsure on how I would ever be able to create a new normal for myself and/or put the broken pieces of my life back together again.

But it’s been 365 days! Not all of these days have been full of joy and contentment or free from tears and pain. I have struggled far more than I would like to admit behind the scenes. But today, I can proudly proclaim that throughout the course of the past year, I have found peace on my new journey.

I purchased my first home and had a darling puppy choose me to be his fur momma. I ran every damn mile of my first half marathon and developed friendships with people I would have never imagined going on adventures in life with. I celebrated my 30th birthday amidst the milestones of old and new friends (baby showers, bridal showers, birthdays and new homes).

What's my point? As Bob Goff says, "Embrace uncertainty. Some of the most beautiful chapters in our lives won’t have a title until much later."

We all go through storms from time to time, and some shake us to our very core. But in the midst of the storm, there is something beautiful taking place in your life (even if you cannot see it). Have faith. Hold on. Do not give up. The best is yet to come and that storm your weathering ... it's making you a DAMN sailor! A brave and fearless one at that

Years That Ask ... Years That Answer

There are years that ask questions, and years that answer.

At the end of last year, I asked God why things fell apart with Michael Terwilliger. Why we had to go our separate ways. Whether or not our paths would ever cross again. I was angry and hurt at how the final days of our relationship played out. I wass mad about the words left unspoken and the unanswered questions that lingered in the air.

Today, I think my questions were finally answered. 

It all makes sense now. 

I have no doubt our paths crossed on purpose. During our time together, I matured from a young girl into a woman. Mike taught me how to chill out and not take life (or myself) too seriously. He taught me how to yearn for adventure, and then how to take life for the boot straps and find adventure. 

Michael taught me how to save and manage money. How to invest and to plan for the future. He taught me how to be different. How to march to the beat of my own drum, and be okay with it. Mike was the reason why I got over the heartbreak of my first love - Sean McKenzie. And Mike ultimately taught me what it was that I needed in a partner for life and how to love myself. 

In the bottom of my heart, I know that our paths will never cross again. We had to go our separate ways and this is why our relationship played out with such vengence in the end. 

I would not be sitting on my patio in Caledonia Court with a dog (16 pounds lighter I must add) if it was not for him and the role he played in my life. This was Mike's purpose in my life. His purpose was fulfilled.

The only question that still remains is whether or not he ever loved me. I also know in my heart that I will never get the answer to that question. And I have to let that be okay. If I had all the answers, I would be God.

I am so grateful for the role Mike played in my life. God knew what he was doing when he choose this path for me, and allowed Mike to walk down it with me for a little while. I needed that companion on that one stretch of path to arrive at one of the blessings he had in store for me. 

I will cherish my memories with Mike always.

I have nothing but gratitude for 2018. This year has been a milestone year in every aspect. 

I will never forget the lessons I've learned, the harships I've faced or the great triumphs I have achieved during this last year of my 20's.

Go Big or Go Home is what I always preach. One thing is for sure - I've certainly gone BIG this year ... and maybe that has something (or everything) to do with how BIG my GOD is.

the only person i should have ever been talking to

It's 12:14AM and my eyes are tearing up a little.

For whatever reason I just spent thirty minutes going through your photos. 

It's amazing how someone's past can become so intertwinned with yours. How days pass by and so much changes. But revisiting one picture can take you back to that time and place in an instant. How a song on spotify can transport you back to years ago when this person was a part of your life. 

The greatest blessing I was even given was an opportunity to walk away from you. The greatest gift you gave me was letting me go and closing the door behind you. I can never repay you for that gift. It has afforded me the life that I deserved. The life that I wanted. The life that I needed.

But yet I still tear up. 

I miss our friendship. Well ... what I presumed to be friendship. I am still so confused about that entire experience. That entire relationship. I pray to God that I never entertain anything like that ever again.

I am over us. The past. The fact that this relationship died with the end of the fall season and/or 2017. But I hope you are doing well. Keep living life to the fullest and pursuing your dreams. You deserve all the happiness in the world. You deserve to be in the company of people who understand you and bring out the light in your eyes. And what I just now realized is that that message is really intended for me. That is the only person who I should have ever been talking to. 

love and light always

I received word that you are moving home. I knew this decision would come. You had been vocal about wanting to move home for quite some time to be closer to your aging parents. But to hear that it is actually taking place is bitter sweet.

In many ways I am happy for you and I know that you need this change. In other ways I remorse because this move is confirmation that our season together is no more.

I dream about you often Michael. What we would say if we crossed paths again. And I wonder ... will we cross paths once more before you embark on the journey home. 

I miss you. 

I am not sure that we will interact again. And if we do - I am not sure how I will behave. But I am sending you love and light always.