[dedicated]

"Somewhere in between all the mind games, lies, and seduction, I fell for you. Somewhere in between all the broken promises, manipulation, and heartaches, I got over you. But I guess I fibbed a few times, too. Remember all those times I swore I needed you? Well consider them lies because, baby, here I am without you and I survived."

- Lil Wayne

updated resolutions for 2012

1. Facebook and Tweet LESS ... the world does not need to know about my every thought and/or whereabout
2. Take no friend or family member for granted. Value time spent with each and be sure to show each person how much I care. Tomorrow is not promised ... so love those god gives you because he may call them back one day.
3. Treat others the way I want to be treated. Gossip less. Find more positive things to say.
4. Go to church more often ... grow closer to god.
5. Workout more often.
6. Budget money. Save more! Be wise about where I am spending money.
7. Try to be a better person. Love more. Give more. Help more. JUDGE LESS. Take chances. Do something new. 

Okay so these are not really updated per say ... but in light of Kevin Hinnant's death yesterday ... I have been doing a lot of thinking about what is important in life and changes I would like to make to myself for the new year. 2011 has been full of several ups, downs and life lessons. I praise God for every heartbreak, success, lesson ... this year has been incredible! I feel like I have grown so much and I am looking forward to the possibilities a new year brings.

[regret]

I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade. 

FAMILY - Christmas 2011

New Year's Resolutions: 2012

1. I want to talk less about others and more about myself. I have a bad habit for gossiping about other people, and not telling enough information about myself (so that people can really get to know me). I want to stop gossiping about other's shortcomings and start giving others a chance to get to know the real me.
   
2. I want to value friends and family more. I also want to treat them the way I would like to be treated. This goes hand in hand with talking less about the shortcomings of others, but rather appreciating what it is a person has to offer.
   
3. I want to go to church more and grow closer to God. I fight it so often ... but why am I fighting it? I need to learn to let go and let god ... let's see where he will take me this year.
   
4. I want to workout at least three times a week ... consistently. I have found that exercising is one of the best stress relievers. My end goal is to run a 5K in June. I know I can do it if I stick my mind to it.

Reality Check

Solomon’s life reminds us that it’s important to find joy in “ordinary” things, for they are indeed wonderful. Bigger is not always better. More is not always an improvement. Busier doesn’t make us more important.

Rather than look for meaning in breathtaking moments, we should find meaning in every breath we take, and make every breath meaningful. 

The Story of My Life ... Currently

“Being Twenty-Something?"

They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now. 

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you. 

You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. 

One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward. 

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. 

One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. 

You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender! 

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.