Years That Ask ... Years That Answer

There are years that ask questions, and years that answer.

At the end of last year, I asked God why things fell apart with Michael Terwilliger. Why we had to go our separate ways. Whether or not our paths would ever cross again. I was angry and hurt at how the final days of our relationship played out. I wass mad about the words left unspoken and the unanswered questions that lingered in the air.

Today, I think my questions were finally answered. 

It all makes sense now. 

I have no doubt our paths crossed on purpose. During our time together, I matured from a young girl into a woman. Mike taught me how to chill out and not take life (or myself) too seriously. He taught me how to yearn for adventure, and then how to take life for the boot straps and find adventure. 

Michael taught me how to save and manage money. How to invest and to plan for the future. He taught me how to be different. How to march to the beat of my own drum, and be okay with it. Mike was the reason why I got over the heartbreak of my first love - Sean McKenzie. And Mike ultimately taught me what it was that I needed in a partner for life and how to love myself. 

In the bottom of my heart, I know that our paths will never cross again. We had to go our separate ways and this is why our relationship played out with such vengence in the end. 

I would not be sitting on my patio in Caledonia Court with a dog (16 pounds lighter I must add) if it was not for him and the role he played in my life. This was Mike's purpose in my life. His purpose was fulfilled.

The only question that still remains is whether or not he ever loved me. I also know in my heart that I will never get the answer to that question. And I have to let that be okay. If I had all the answers, I would be God.

I am so grateful for the role Mike played in my life. God knew what he was doing when he choose this path for me, and allowed Mike to walk down it with me for a little while. I needed that companion on that one stretch of path to arrive at one of the blessings he had in store for me. 

I will cherish my memories with Mike always.

I have nothing but gratitude for 2018. This year has been a milestone year in every aspect. 

I will never forget the lessons I've learned, the harships I've faced or the great triumphs I have achieved during this last year of my 20's.

Go Big or Go Home is what I always preach. One thing is for sure - I've certainly gone BIG this year ... and maybe that has something (or everything) to do with how BIG my GOD is.