Dear Michael...

Dear Michael,

It has been a little less than four months since we went our separate ways. It is funny how it feels like forever. With this passing of time, a void has developed in my life that I have been unable to fill.

I write because I miss you. On some days, I miss you so much that my heart literally aches from the inside out. Let me be clear - I do not miss you in a boyfriend kind of way. I realize, only now, that you really sucked in that department.

But I do miss you as a friend. You were my BEST friend. The one person I always counted on to tell me the truth. To give me sound advice when I needed it the most. To listen to my pointless stories and dramas, only to be the voice of reason. To make me giggle uncontrollably with your uncanny sense of humor. To expose me to some new line of thinking that I had not previously considered or been made privy of.

I understand - I think - why you had to go. Why you let me walk away without so much of a word or an explanation. Why when I took a stand, you literally went ghost - never to be heard from again.

I guess when I say I understand, I mean … I realize now that the road we had traveled together eventually diverged. It was written in the stars. It was inevitable.

But I still mourn your loss. Every. Single. Day. I wish I could forget you and what you meant to me. But then to do that would be to deny a part of myself that came alive. To deny a part of who I am presently today.

It is never easy to lose a friend. Especially when it is someone you adore. Idolize. Respect. Admire. Love. I forgive you for the hurt you caused me (particularly in the end when you let me go without a fight or so much as an explanation). I want nothing but the very best for you. You will always be a very special person to me. And I will carry your memory in my heart always.

I do not think I am ready now to cross paths with you again. My wounds are still too raw. But a part of me truly hopes that in the future, perhaps our paths will cross again. And that I will be able to look you in the eye and smile … and mean it.

I SO hope that you are doing awesome. That you are happy and surrounded by people that love you and make you feel alive. I hope that Sadie continues to be the BEST company around, and that you feel content with where you are at in life. And I hope at some point in time you fall in love with yourself … and all that you have to offer someone … anyone … this earth. Because you my friend are pretty incredible, I just do not think you ever realized it.

And this is totally selfish of me, but sometimes I wish upon a shooting star that maybe every once in a while... you think of me too. That maybe somewhere in that closed off heart of yours,  you will hold my memory dear too. That you look back on our memories together fondly … and that ... you ... too … are wishing that I am doing alright wherever I am too.