Happy New Year

In a nutshell, the year 2017 taught me that we cannot keep that which is meant to end. Life is literally a series of endings and beginnings. Each ending is necessary for a new beginning to occur. It is far easier to dance with these changes, then to cling to them.

2017 was full of some of the happiest moments of my life. Being so in love with a guy. Falling asleep nestled in his arms many nights. Spending time with loved ones. Smiling so big and laughing so much my cheeks felt like they could fall off. Traveling to new places and trying new brews and foods. I specifically will never forget my adventures to the Shenandoah Valley, Niagara Falls, Toronto, Cincinnati, Kingston, NY and Augusta, GA. Or my favorite pup named Sadie Moo. I miss that sweet girl.

2017 was also full of some of the lowest moments of my life. I ate too much food and drank too much beer. I weighed in at my heaviest - a whopping 275 pounds. Around the end of June and beginning of July, I lost myself in a relationship that was destined for nowhere. I cried myself to sleep many nights … that is if I could actually fall asleep. I allowed myself to be emotionally abused. I cowered down and compromised and held my tongue to the point that I had lost a sense of who I was and what I could actually offer to someone else.

As 2017 closes out, I sit in the dining room of my parent’s home as a single lady. 10 pounds lighter and working towards finding herself again. I am still broken on the inside. I miss my best friend and the times we shared together. But on the outside, I am growing stronger every day and finding new meaning in my day to day adventures. In the past four months, I have mustered the courage to go on with the support of some fierce ladies.

My wish for 2018 is that I aim to put God first in all that I do. To work on my walk with Jesus. To put my trust in him, and to allow him to fill me up in all the broken places to that one day I may be whole again. We cannot keep that which is meant to end. But I also know that all things work together for good, for those that love HIM. So here is to 2018 … may I serve HIM and walk in purpose. And maybe… just maybe… see some of the desires of my heart manifest in ways I could have ever imagined.

2017 ended on a tough note. But I am grateful for the season. I am grateful for the lessons. And I am hopeful for what is to come. Happy New Year!