Seasons of Change

As always, this summer has been an eye opener and has changed the way I think about many things. It's unbelievable how fast life comes at you ... and how fast things can change. I recently found out that my father has prostate cancer. He is so young and vibrant - it hurts my heart to think of what may lay down the road for him. I am so grateful - however - that the cancer was noticed early and that my Dad has decided to be proactive and have the cancer (and prostate) removed. I can only be prayerful and trust in the Lord that he will deliver my Dad from this sickness and keep him strong and healthy. He has a wife and kids after all who are counting on him to live a long and fruitful life. I love you dad - and I am sorry for being distant lately. I just do not know how to deal with all of this ... and for me, the answer is to avoid the situation. This has taught me that it's so important to tell the people you love - that you love and cherish them. It also solidifies the reason why I hold my relationships with my family so dear and near to my heart. My goal is to continue spending as much time with both Dad and our family as possible ... our time here on earth is limited... we are not guaranteed tomorrow.

I have also been doing some soul-searching this summer in regards to friendships. This time last year ... I think I felt that it was more important to have a *quantity* of friends versus the *quality.* As I continue to mature and grow as a person, I have realized that the quality of friends is more important. I went to the beach earlier this summer with a group of girlfriends, and the trip had an unexpected ending. The actions of a friend have made me question who I am as a friend and who the people are as friends - that I surround myself with. I think I have accepted that I may no longer be *good friends* with this person. And it's unfortunate that our friendship ... built on 10+ years ... ended in the manner that it did. However, I am so thankful for the falling out as it has helped me reflect on my actions and aim to make some changes in my life.

Here are the goals I have set for myself:

1. Be the kind of friend that you want others to be to you. If I want friends to call me up on the phone, I need to call them on the phone first. If I want friends to check in on me - through email or text - I need to be willing to do the same to them. I also should limit or eliminate my involvement in conversations about others, unless there is a purpose for discussing them.
   
2. Be real. Recently I was at a happy hour with a girlfriend. And she remarked that it frustrates her that I am "switzerland" all the time. I have the annoying tendancy to walk the line on where I stand on certain topics and to not want to pick sides, or piss people off with my opinions. Although I my intentions are good, this unfortunately makes me seem *fake* or *dishonest*. I need to work on being honest without being hurtful. Or ... I need to be honest and realize that my friend may hate me now, but thank me later. The truth hurts, but true friends will appreciate when you're honest with them in the long run.
3. Realize that you are the company you keep. I have had a couple of friends blow my mind - recently - with their actions and/or words. I have seen them in a different light, one which I do not like and that has put me in bad standing with other friends who I esteem. As a result, I think I need to remember the importance of *weeding* out those who are not helping you grow or reach your potential. I think over the years ... I've held on to people - out of loyalty - that I had no business holding on to. As painful as it is to let go of some of these people, I have to realize that sometimes chapters close.
4. Remember that friends come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. I've tried to make ALL of my friends lifetime friends ... but not everyone's purpose is to be such in my life. As a reason or a season passes, I am trying to be grateful that the friendship enriched my life and that I learned lessons/grew because of it. Like they say - it's better to have loved and lost, than to not have loved at all. 

Yet another season of my life has come ... and is beginning to pass. It amazes me everyday how God directs my steps. I may not always understand what I am going through - when I am going through it - however hindsight IS 20/20 ... and I always look back and go wow! There was a reason that I learned that lesson or went through that experience ... and now I am able to understand why.

I know that a new season is about to enter my life ... and I can only imagine what challenges await me. I am trusting in God though, that I will continue to mature and grow as a friend and as an individual. Lord only knows where I'll be next year ;)