Sean is coming home in less than three weeks and he will be home for the month of December. Note: I only know this because I am a MASTER facebook stalker. Regardless, since Halloween ... he has STOPPED calling me and texting me. All forms of communication have stopped. Funny thing is, this is exactly what I wanted almost a month ago. But it is amazing how constant phone calls, and uttered "I Love Yous" can make a girl go a little stir crazy when she no longer hears the words anymore. What's more is I am convinced that Sean is about to begin dating Rachel Story (a friend of his from college). She is ALWAYS writing on his wall which tells me he must be writing on hers.
Folks, we are coming up on three years that I have not been with this kid. I have made so much progress and come so far! Yet why do I seem to find myself still grieving and hanging on to something that is no longer mine? I can tell you verbally that I no longer love him and I realize that I deserve someone so much better than him. Yet, I sit here wishing, hoping and silently praying that maybe today will be the day that I get a phone call from him. Maybe today he will confess his love for me and make a change for the better. I will never understand our current relationship or why he keeps me stumped.
Ideally, I want to begin dating again. I am so bored with my love life right now. I want to go out on a date! I want to have options out there. I want to fall in love again. I want, I want, I WANT! But apparently God does not agree with my wants and is not giving them to me. WHY GOD!? What do you have planned for me? Tell me ... because I am frustrated that my plans are not coming together. Selfish of me, I know. But I am ONLY human and this is my blog ... so I am allowed to vent :o)
But seriously, I need an intervention. All I want for Christmas is a honest to god potential date. Actually scratch that. I feel like the holidays are a TERRIBLE time to begin dating someone. I am not trying to meet family or become all emotional and clingy. So perhaps, after Valentine's day? HAHA
If I only I knew the plans that you have for me oh lord ... if only I knew.
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