On Time God?

Well ... at 3:45pm God answered my prayers.

At 4:10pm ... Satan was busy.

But the most important news is that God answered my prayer! No I do not have a job ... but I have better insight into my options and what I can consider doing in regards to interviewing. Thank you Jesus!

Back to lesson planning and IEP fun ....

The perfect sailors are made through the roughest storms

I am so angry. I am so hurt. I am feeling defeated. I want to yell, I want to scream, I want to curse. This is absolutely one of the worst experiences I have had to go through. I need someone to talk to. Yet I feel line no one understands. I am near tears. I cry every day. I feel insecure … I feel vulnerable. I am not happy. I received a job offer Tuesday morning to teach general education second grade at WLES. This job was my number one choice! The principal wanted me out of ALL of the candidates. And in an hour, a coworker and HR took that joy from me – of getting the job. They took away my right to formally accept the offer. They took the joy out of my life.

It’s been two days … all of the girls now have jobs. Two of them will be teaching at the same school together. One TOOK THE JOB OFFER THAT WAS ORIGINALLY GIVEN TO ME. So I guess she is set now. Another is interviewing today … and if luck would have it, she will get the job. Why me? Why can’t I be happy for my friends? Why am I so angry at them? Why do I want to avoid them or say hurtful things when I see them? Why can’t I be happy for them? And now I feel as if they’re avoiding me … because they know I do not have any more job offers and they do not want to hurt my feelings. It’s hard to enjoy your success when a close friend has none to enjoy.

Okay let me back track. My job was cut in March. I am a first year teacher. I have literally had the YEAR from HELL. But I have persevered and smiled through it all. Heck a thought just popped into my head … I did pray for God to lead my steps and have me do his will once. Is this what is occurring … and I am just to prideful and thick headed to see it? I just want a job – I want to be in the classroom. I want to be happy. I want to enjoy the fruit of my hard hard hard labor. Why me? Lord I am not angry at you... but I question what your plan for me is. It is so hard to be still and let god. It is so hard to be faithful. It is so hard to be patient. But I am trying lord … I know you see my struggle. You see my tears oh lord. I know you see my hurt. I am crying out to you … why me?

I am having a pity party … but I feel like I have ALWAYS had it harder than everyone else! Why am I the one who only gets to enjoy the sunshine for but a minute and then I am thrown back into a storm? Placed back onto the potter’s wheel as if I am not finished? I allow you to use me … and I always learn from this experiences. .. but this time it is different. It has to be … why did I have the roughest first five months of my teaching career … with HP? Why did you allow me to get tossed around in that storm for so long? What are you preparing me for? What plans do you have for me that I cannot see for myself? What do you see in me?

I wish you would answer me oh lord … but for now I do not know what I will do. I guess I will take things minute by minute … day by day. I guess I will try to cling on to the little bits of joy and hope that cross my path oh maybe once a day. I do not know what else to do. No one understands the struggles I go through … and they shouldn’t have to. But oh god, it makes for a lonely journey. I hope you hear me god … I need a comforter. I need hope. I need a sign of inspiration. I need peace. I am struggling … it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Although I praise you god for my family and I praise you for my friends. I praise you for the people who see something in me that I cannot see in myself. Thank you lord for the support system you have in place … for the people you have aligned me with to get through this year that I would like to call the perfect storm. Most importantly lord, I am trying to remember you are the ONLY one who can close doors no one else can close, and who can open doors no one else can open.

Crystal recently said to me … what’s yours is yours. And no one can take that away from you if God orchestrated it. So I pray in time, I understand what she means. Lord help me practice what I pray … what I preach to others … help me to stop talking and to start listening. I hear what people are saying to me but I am not listening. Lord help me be still and meditate on the positive words of others that I may in due time understand truly what they mean … that I will be able to testify to others about the goodness of you.

The perfect sailors are made through the roughest storms. I aspire to be the perfect sailor … help me anchor in you lord so that I made ride out this storm.

Poet-Tree Bulletin Board

My students are currently learning about poetry. We kicked off our unit by learning about acrostic poems ... and then students were able to create their own acrostic name poems. Inspired by the warm, spring weather ... I created a "poet-tree" to showcase my student's hard work and talents! The bulletin board is a little more kid friendly and artistic than I had wanted it to be ... but my students were super proud of their poems hanging on display! This was a fun bulletin board to create (and my students and I had a BLAST writing our poems to display!)

Spring Break is Over

Back to work I go tomorrow. Spring Break has been incredibly amazing, relaxing and blessed! I was able to catch up on sleep and spend time with some of the girlfriends I adore the MOST! I also got to spend a lot of time with family. I do not think my break could have been any better.

I am not even ready for school tomorrow ... but I am SO thankful we have 37 days until Summer Break!

I am praying I have a stress free work week and that my students are happy to see me! I know I will secretly be happy to see them - when I am not pulling my hair out over their forgetfulness.

Here's to the final stretch of my first year of teaching!

Happy Birthday Tony!

My Baby Brother is now Fifteen :) All Grown Up!

Mom, Tony and Dad

Michelle, Tony and I (Harris Siblings)

Michelle and I

We celebrated Tony's 15th birthday yesterday during our Easter Dinner with the family. Tony is an advid fan of the Washington Captials ... so my younger sister made him a birthday cake that mirrors a Caps jersey. Tony absolutely loved it! He had a wonderful day and I am happy I was able to celebrate his birthday with him!

A Home of my Own

I have just had an epiphany:

My sister graduates from college next spring, and most likely will be returning home to live permanently. The past forty-eight hours have been beyond trying for me. As a result, I have realized that I HAVE to move out by this time next year. I cannot foresee myself living in close living quarters with my sister and my three other family members come that point in my life. I will be going on twenty-four years old. It will be time. Even if I do not feel I am ready, I will have to spread my wings and fly.

I need my own space. My own place. I think my sister and I will have a much BETTER relationship if we are NOT living in a 11ft by 11ft room together. So this is my goal ... and I will do everything possible to stick to it. I imagine this is going to be tough for me - I enjoy spending money way too much. However, this has to happen. I HAVE to save my pennies this upcoming year. I MUST be froogle. I must develop a budget for my expenses.

This time next year, I WILL be packing up my things and moving out. The question is - will the economy be better and will I be able to afford buying a house house. I have said all along that I would rather buy a house versus rent an apartment. I will have to remain prayerful that I will be finanically able to make that move. I can do it! I will do it!

Baby sister ... I love you very much! But I also love my sanity so much more. I have to do this for myself. Please know that you will ALWAYS be welcome to come over and spend time with me. But I am old enough and ready ... I need my own place.

Six Hours ...

Although not very Christian of me ... is it wrong to admit that I am COUNTING down the hours until my sister goes back to school? I cannot wait to have my room back, my space back, my house back and most importantly to appreciate her from a distance! I miss her when she is gone but hate her when she is here. We are truly night and day ... I wonder if I will ever be able to spend more than 2 hours with her without getting annoyed. When we get older, one another may be all we have ... that terrifies me. Again, I cannot stand her half the time ... I hope that changes one day.

In the mean time .... six hours and counting .....