God is SO Good

A lot of HUGE life changes occurred this week for me. I am SO excited to announce that I am moving to Laurel at the end of May AND I have secured a teaching position at a NEW school. My commute to work from my new home will be 30 minutes, and I will be teaching with one of my best friends! I am finally returning to the classroom after 5 years and will be teaching a grave level that I LOVE. I am so incredibly blessed. So incredibly grateful. So incredibly humbled by God's grace and mercy. In hindsight, I feel kind of silly. Starting in January, I developed this subconscious of constant anxiety over where I would live and what I would teach. I would have melt downs ... I would go through crying spells ... I would fret and worry and lose sleep. But today I ask myself, WHY? I knew God would make a way. That he would line everything up. I KNEW this. But I just could not trust in it. My human flesh wanted a road map with all of the stops. And I had neither a map nor the directions to my next destination. But here I am today, and God is working things out on my behalf (Romans 8:28).

Here is to fresh starts and new beginnings! I am excited to see what the future has to hold. In the meantime ... it's a 36 day countdown until graduation! Cannot wait to officially have my MASTER'S degree! God is SO good.

Aiming for Peace this Week

Lao Tzu ...

“If you are depressed you are living in the past.
If you are anxious you are living in the future.
If you are at peace you are living in the present.”

The Next Step

Many life changes are in the works. And I'd be lying if I said I was not experiencing panic attacks about it on the reg. I am so excited about this new chapter in life. I am also scared shitless. I am stepping out on faith to find a new job, move to a new location and leave behind everything I know and love.

I have an idea of how I want this to all play out. How I want this to all look. But what if that's not God's plan? I am terrified of the unknown. What if this doesn't work out? What if everything falls through? What if I am making the biggest mistake of my life?

These changes are even making me worry about my relationships with friends and Mike. Will these relationships change? Do I even know who I am anymore? Will these people continue to love me and support me once I make these changes?

I keep reminding myself to take a deep breath. To trust in the process. To trust that all things are working together for my good. But I may not be able to breathe ... until it's March 2017, and I have seen that every little thing is gonna be alright.

Here's to this faith walk. This journey. These new beginnings. They are scary as HELL. But I am hopeful it's the next step, in the best days of my life.

My Sweet Guardian Angel

God saw you getting tired

And a cure was not to be

So he put His arms around you 

And whispered "Come to me."

With tearful eyes we watched you

As you slowly slipped away

And though we loved you dearly

We couldn't make you stay.

Your golden heart stopped beating

Your tired hands put to rest

God broke our hearts to prove to us

He only takes the best.

Chrissy, who was born on June 30, 2005, 

was called home to heaven on February 13, 2016.

Get Lost. You'll find yourself.

I needed to hear this today. 

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2013/11/how-to-find-yourself-when-youve-lost-yourself/

Dry January

My boyfriend always teases me that I am a lush ... an alcoholic.

He does not understand why I cannot drink just one drink and why I always need to drink in order to have fun. The thing is <in my head> I do not need to drink to have fun. However I do find most of the fun I have is in direct correlation with a mug of beer or a glass of wine.

According to him, I drink every night of the week. I always canter with I only drink on the weekends ... or I am a social drinker. But then he pointed out that I have been indulging more so during the week. Annoyed with his accusations I began to self reflect and realized ... wow! I have been drinking a lot during the week. Some weekdays have been one or two glasses. A shot because I am with friends. A glass of wine because I have to wait for food. A beer because it has been a long day at work, and it will take the edge off. You add up three or four days during the week and then all the alcohol I consume during the weekend, and Houston we have a problem.

I stumbled across this article yesterday and I literally stopped in my tracks. The part that resonated with me most was:

Maybe “just a drink or two a night” is much more than that. 
I am not trying to come across as a total geezer here, but this was a big "aha" moment for me. I had NO idea how much my light booze habit of one to two drinks per night, plus drinks on the weekends, was affecting me, my choices, and my life. Everything from the people I was choosing to hang out with to how I was choosing to spend my time to a kind of blasé laziness / ”I’ll do that tomorrow” attitude was all tied to just a couple of seemingly innocent drinks. But take out a calculator, and you’ll soon realize that “just a couple of drinks per night” plus weekend drinking will amount to over 900 drinks per year (yep, really; just do the math). That ain’t nothing, friends! 

So I am on day 2 of a dry January. This is going to be SO incredibly hard. I have already been tempted in the past twenty-four hours to drink. Go for a beer to watch the football games. Go on a brewery tour around the area. There are two bottles of wine and three bottles of beer in my house. Have a glass of wine or a bottle of beer because it's a lazy Saturday night. This weekend we are sending my girlfriend Erica off to a new job in another state ... and the celebration will most likely involve drinks. Next week I am going to a paint nite with my cousins ... and you got it, there will be lots of alcohol present.

But I am going to do this. 30 days. I am going to challenge myself to remain dry. And for myself. Because I have deemed 2016 the year of getting healthy. Mind. Body. Soul. And I truly feel that this is a step in that direction ... not to say I will give up drinking forever. But I think I need a mind and body reboot ... I need to refocus and change my habits. So here's to thirty days of challenging myself ... hopefully the first fourteen are only the hardest.

2016

I resolve to workout more & leave work early. I resolve to drink and post on social media less. I resolve to be present and to not sweat the small things. I resolve to work harder at speaking my truth and worrying less about things I cannot control. 

I swore to myself that I would not engage in this resolution nonsense. That I would just live. But putting it writing makes it seem more real. It makes me feel more accountable. And it surely puts things into perspective when you look back from time to time.

2015 was an amazing year. It was full of some of my highest highs and lowest lows. It is a year that I will never forget. It was a defining year in who I am and how I vow to live my life. I sing praises to the heavens for this. 

Everything happens for a reason. I cannot wait to see what this season brings. 2015, thank you for the experiences. 2016, I am excited for your opportunities. 

Signed Me,

Christina