The Happy Thirty - Day Five

As much fun as the Fourth of July was ... I think we partied a little too hard. My Saturday morning hangover - indicated by a massive headache that took the ENTIRE day to pass - reminded me that my twenty-five year old body cannot hang like it used to. A sign of old age I'll tell you.

So what made me happy as I lay hungover on the couch all day? A burrito bowl from chipotle, lots of water, dosing in and out of sleep all afternoon with a fan blowing cool air on me, finishing season two of Orange Is The New Black and an unexpected visit from my good friend Terwilliger.

Although it was a lazy day, my body get the rest it needed.

The Happy Thirty - Day Four

Fourth of July. Independence Day. Merica. Perfection.

Tradition says that I celebrate the 4th of July with my family. We barbecue at my mother's house then travel to a nearby *spot* to see the fireworks. Always have done this. Thought I always would. However this year I wanted to change things up a little. So I celebrated the 4th with dear friends from college. It was a wonderful time and filled my soul with happiness.

I may not see my Towson friends everyday. We all come from different sides of the track. We all relate to one another in different ways. However I truly feel like this group of people have become family. Our ties back to those tigertown days are unmistakable. Our fellowship together always feels irreplaceable. No matter how much time goes by - or how much our lives change - we are all interconnected and it's always a damn good time when we see each other.

While I may not remember all of what occurred that evening, I am blessed to have celebrated the holiday with some of my best friends.

The Happy 30 - Day Three

With tomorrow being the 4th of July, our camp is closed. So today was my Friday. That makes me happy. I LOVE four day work weeks. One of my most difficult campers was absent today. That made me happy as the remaining campers were better behaved. My second most difficult camper behaved today. Not once did he elope towards the highway (in comparison to doing this 10+ times the other day). That makes me really happy.

However the moment that truly filled my soul with joy today, was an impromptu happy hour with two old friends. We literally sat in the restaurant for over three hours and conversation never dulled ... not even for a minute. We shared our joys, our fears and some of our tears. We laughed and reminisced. We spoke of our families and our hopes and dreams for the next ten years. We complimented one another on the qualities we admire the most about each of us. We ate delicious food and drank delicious drinks.

My heart feels whole. It was refreshing to sit in their company. It felt like home feeling their sincerity and warmth. I felt joy ... thinking that our friendships have come full circle.

It was not too long ago that one of these old friends and I had a falling out. And things were not right between us for quite some time. Today, I rejoice in the beauty of time. Time certainly changes things. Time definitely heals all wounds. Most importantly, it takes a long time to grow an old friend.

I cherished my get together with these two ladies. My soul feels happy.

The Happy 30 - Day Two

What made me happy today?

A full night of sleep. Waking up feeling well-rested and restored. Listening to Hillsong's Ocean on repeat this morning as I prepared for the day. Hearts full of laughter at camp today. Laughing to keep from crying, when my campers were losing their minds and so was I. A great tutoring session with Tyler. Stopping by Mamma's house and her sharing that she had ordered pizza for dinner. Eating three slices of pizza for dinner, while basking in the company of my mother and sister. Being quiet for once ... and listening to my sister share news about her day. Listening to my momma share news about her day. Listening to both my sister and momma share news.

I forgot how nice it is to have company in the evening. Even better, I forget how refreshing it is to stop talking sometimes and listen. To listen to those around you speak and share insights about their lives. To hear about how others are doing and to take an interest. To think about someone other than yourself.

My soul feels peace tonight and I feel blessed. I am grateful for the good in today and the simple things that gave my heart such joy. Here's to the happy people and finding something to smile about everyday.

The Happy 30 - Day One

I think I have forgotten what it means to be happy. The term 'happy' seems elusive to me these days. Lately, I have read several articles and books trying to define happiness. I think what I have come up with is this:

I did not come up with this image or the quote myself. However - to me - this image is spot on. Several people on instagram are participating in #TheHappy30. This trend asks followers to post a picture each day, for thirty days and to state why the posted image makes them happy.

I would like to post thirty blog things, one each day, during the month of July. I tried to start something like this in June, however the end of the school year craze kept me away from my blog. July should be a quieter month and it is my goal to remain committed to this.

Today, I am thankful for my summer camp co-teacher. Bethany and I have been teaching together for two or three years now, and she is wonderful. I admire her heart, her sense of humor and her passion for working with this population of kiddos. She is my rock at summer camp and the reason I return each year. We have so much fun and work so well together, something I do not take for granted. I am looking forward to a great five weeks with her full of laughter and lightheartedness as we work hard to help each of our campers make progress on a multitude of goals this summer.

Exactly Where *I* Need To Be

I originally wrote and posted the entry below back in March. The funny thing is, however, that I cannot remember why I felt so compelled to write it. 

There have been some significant changes in my life the past forty-eight hours, and I took to my blog this morning in hopes to cleanse my soul of the anguish I have been feeling. I accidentily stumbled across this entry, and realized THESE were the words I needed to say and get off my chest today. 

So I present to you, a modified and edited repost of thoughts I've previously shared. Maybe these words are what you need to here today too ...

Because we all end up exactly where we need to be. 

"We never realize that replacing what’s not broken won’t fix what is. We never realize that a relationship will not save us. We never realize thatwhen we arrive at the juncture of whether to try harder or move on, it almost always means it’s time to let go. And we grapple with it because we never realize what letting go means: simply that we, at no point, are actually permitting anything to leave. We’re just permitting ourselves to come to terms with the truth that it’s already gone." (Brianna Wiest) 

The time has come for me to encounter another set of crossroads. And at this very moment, I am sitting in the center of them. Literally sitting ... debating which direction I should walk (if not run) in and asking rhetorical questions to which no one is giving me the response I would like to hear.  

I have never been good at saying goodbye. Yet I've said goodbye more times than I would have liked. And even though I have managed to utter the words goodbye several times over the years, I continue to stumble with letting go.  

So I sit at "the juncture of whether to try harder or move on." I sit here reflecting on my thoughts, my actions and my words because goodbyes do not hurt until you realize how much has changed. They do not hurt until you realize how much of the events preceding the goodbye were your fault.  

I sit here with my head in my hands. Warm, salty tears streaming down my sweat stained cheeks. I thought I could run to escape the pain. But instead running lead me directly to it. So I weep, sitting in the middle of the road at this juncture. I weep for what was and for what is to be. I weep because I cannont turn to you. And even if I did, you cannot even help me utter those fateful words. You cannot help me decide which road I should now travel on.  

Peering out into the horizon at each road ... I wipe away the tears with the back of my hand and exhale. I stretch out my legs and direct my eyes up towards the sky.  The words "...when we arrive at the juncture of whether to try harder or move on, it almost always means it’s time to let go..." cloud my mind. And I know deep within my heart that the truth is ... you are already gone. Whoever that you is ... you are already gone.  

I stand and lift up prayers to the sky. Seasons change and as time would have it, THIS season is ending. It may in fact be time to say goodbye. If life would have it ... our paths ... our roads WILL cross again. So I start to walk. Slowly but surely, I start to walk because I AM capable of doing this. More capable than I may think. 

"We tie ourselves up with our anxieties when at the end of the day we always look back and realize the path was paved for us. We just had to stop questioning what we already knew to be true. We are always compelled to act when we’re meant to. The tides usually turn us on their own. We don’t always have to swim. The real art of being is learning to float." (Brianna Wiest) 

The tide is turning me on it's own ... and I am just going to float and trust that things will fall into place as they should, in the end.  

Because I will end up exactly where I need to be. 

how big I'm blessed

"In the middle of my little mess, I forget how big I'm blessed..."

My life is generally rush, rush, rush ... stress, stress, stress. So much so that I often forget to stop and give thanks for all of the blessings I have in my life. I have had a smile on my face all day long, thinking about the big blessings I have had in my life recently. So I'd like to take a moment each day to count my blessings ...

JUNE FIRST

Snap chats and text messages with Kat K every day. There are NO words to describe how grateful I am for my friendship with this girl. She is my person, my other half and I value any time spent with her ... whether it be in person or via snap chat. I hope that we continue to snap and text every day for a lifetime ... it's the best part of every day.

JUNE SECOND
Growing closer to my sister, Michelle, and my cousin, Nicole. We are all so very different, but we have a bond that cannot be described. Perhaps being double cousins has something to do with that ... or maybe it's that we are so close in age? Regardless, I thank group text messaging first and foremost for truly bringing us closer together. We are always connected via the chats, which then leads to us being connected at a local bar for happy hour or one another's house for a weekend chill sesh. I cherish every cousin moment spent with them.

I want to take a moment each day this month to reflect on the good in my life. Despite the trials that life sometimes throws my way, life has been great overall lately and I am realizing that I no longer want to take my blessings for granted.