Get Lost. You'll find yourself.

I needed to hear this today. 

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2013/11/how-to-find-yourself-when-youve-lost-yourself/

Dry January

My boyfriend always teases me that I am a lush ... an alcoholic.

He does not understand why I cannot drink just one drink and why I always need to drink in order to have fun. The thing is <in my head> I do not need to drink to have fun. However I do find most of the fun I have is in direct correlation with a mug of beer or a glass of wine.

According to him, I drink every night of the week. I always canter with I only drink on the weekends ... or I am a social drinker. But then he pointed out that I have been indulging more so during the week. Annoyed with his accusations I began to self reflect and realized ... wow! I have been drinking a lot during the week. Some weekdays have been one or two glasses. A shot because I am with friends. A glass of wine because I have to wait for food. A beer because it has been a long day at work, and it will take the edge off. You add up three or four days during the week and then all the alcohol I consume during the weekend, and Houston we have a problem.

I stumbled across this article yesterday and I literally stopped in my tracks. The part that resonated with me most was:

Maybe “just a drink or two a night” is much more than that. 
I am not trying to come across as a total geezer here, but this was a big "aha" moment for me. I had NO idea how much my light booze habit of one to two drinks per night, plus drinks on the weekends, was affecting me, my choices, and my life. Everything from the people I was choosing to hang out with to how I was choosing to spend my time to a kind of blasé laziness / ”I’ll do that tomorrow” attitude was all tied to just a couple of seemingly innocent drinks. But take out a calculator, and you’ll soon realize that “just a couple of drinks per night” plus weekend drinking will amount to over 900 drinks per year (yep, really; just do the math). That ain’t nothing, friends! 

So I am on day 2 of a dry January. This is going to be SO incredibly hard. I have already been tempted in the past twenty-four hours to drink. Go for a beer to watch the football games. Go on a brewery tour around the area. There are two bottles of wine and three bottles of beer in my house. Have a glass of wine or a bottle of beer because it's a lazy Saturday night. This weekend we are sending my girlfriend Erica off to a new job in another state ... and the celebration will most likely involve drinks. Next week I am going to a paint nite with my cousins ... and you got it, there will be lots of alcohol present.

But I am going to do this. 30 days. I am going to challenge myself to remain dry. And for myself. Because I have deemed 2016 the year of getting healthy. Mind. Body. Soul. And I truly feel that this is a step in that direction ... not to say I will give up drinking forever. But I think I need a mind and body reboot ... I need to refocus and change my habits. So here's to thirty days of challenging myself ... hopefully the first fourteen are only the hardest.

2016

I resolve to workout more & leave work early. I resolve to drink and post on social media less. I resolve to be present and to not sweat the small things. I resolve to work harder at speaking my truth and worrying less about things I cannot control. 

I swore to myself that I would not engage in this resolution nonsense. That I would just live. But putting it writing makes it seem more real. It makes me feel more accountable. And it surely puts things into perspective when you look back from time to time.

2015 was an amazing year. It was full of some of my highest highs and lowest lows. It is a year that I will never forget. It was a defining year in who I am and how I vow to live my life. I sing praises to the heavens for this. 

Everything happens for a reason. I cannot wait to see what this season brings. 2015, thank you for the experiences. 2016, I am excited for your opportunities. 

Signed Me,

Christina 

Be Thankful: Thankful Thursday [2015]

I have a lot to be thankful for this year. As I embarked on a two mile walk around my neighborhood this gorgeously mild Thanksgiving morning, I reflected on all of the opportunities I have been afforded and all of the blessings I have received this year. In no particular order ... here is what I am thankful for this year:

1. Graduate School. I am five months away from graduation, and about 100 hours away from successfully completing my internship! I have met some extraordinary individuals, and I have challenged myself to grow as a leader ... in my thinking and my actions ... throughout my participation in this program. However I am TRULY grateful for a debt free education. Last night I calculated how much my program costs the average student, and it's approximately $20,000. Praise be to God that my employer paid for 90% of my graduate course expenses. As I lament over the undergraduate debt that still remains for me, I cry out to the heavens in thanksgiving that I did not add on to my debt in my pursuit of this graduate degree.
   
2. My Career. My fifth year of teaching nearly drove me to quit. I think back to the months of April, May and June and recall vividly the pit of despair I found myself at the bottom of. I literally hit rock bottom. However, in my decision to take a summer off from working [and by the grace of God], I found a way to pull myself out of that pit and get back onto my two feet. That journey ... that experience ... forever changed who I am as an individual, as a teacher, as a colleague and my perspective on difficult times. Today, as I approach the middle of my sixth year of teaching, I am grateful for falling down six times, and standing back up seven. I am grateful for the opportunity to make a difference in the lives of the children I teach. I am ever thankful for the individuals I have met during my teaching journey. I am blessed beyond measure for my colleagues, the lessons they teach me and how they challenge me to grow. I am blessed to have had a third opportunity to work with this special group of students I am teaching. To change the course of each of their little lives forever. I am thankful for the lessons my students teach me ... about humility, honesty and consistency. I am grateful to have yet another opportunity to do what I love to do ... teach!
   
3. My Family. I cherish the relationships I have with many of my family members ... from my Grandfather and Grandmother, to my sister and brother, to two of the most important people in my life: my parents. Within my family, lies so much support and encouragement. So much unconditional love. These individuals keep me humble. They keep me grounded. They remind me of who I am and what I aspire to be, when I get lost in the fog of this world. They keep me laughing and they help me remember what's truly important in this world, when the stresses of life get me down. I am so fortunate to not only have such a big, loving family ... but to be so close to many of my family members. I could not make it through the ups and downs of life without each of them by my side.
   
4. My friends. As I've grown older, I have grown a part from several of my friends. Life's course has taken each of us in different directions. Nonetheless, it's an incredible testament of friendship and commitment when you can follow the path home into the uplifting and encouraging arms of dear friends. Friends who have seen you at your best and who have loved you at your worst. Friends who can sing the lyrics of the song, you have forgotten, back to your heart. I praise God for my dear friends from high school with whom I still keep in touch regularly, for my dear friends from my collegiate years, and my dear friends from my adult life. Each friend - from each stage of life - I hold dear and near in my heart. And although we do not always see eye to eye, and many of them drive me nuts much of the time, I am grateful for our sisterhood ... our ties that go deep into our younger years ... ties that link us together presently as we grow, change and take to new paths in our adult years.
   
5. My boyfriend. I have learned so much on this journey with him. So much about myself. About how to love again. About how to live. I am grateful for the ups and downs in our relationship. Each experience is shaping me into the individual I need to be. Michael thank you for your honesty, and uncanny sense of humor. Thank you for teaching me how to slow down and live life in the present. Thank you for challenging me to be Christina, an individual who is defined by her interests and hobbies ... not by her 9 to 5 job. Thank you for introducing me to new things that I had never explored before .... whether it be music, television, food or experiences. And thank you for making the effort ... working on yourself ... and truly listening to me when I share with you the depths of my heart. This has been one hell of a journey together ... but I appreciate every moment, every kiss, every laugh, and every minute I get to spend by your side.
   
6. My life. This has been an incredible year. I have grown tremendously. In heart. In mind. In spirit. I am full of thanksgiving for each of the opportunities I've been afforded. I thank God for the many blessings he has given me and the provisions he has made. 2015 has been the ride of the century! I am so glad for the people in my life, having all that I need and getting to know myself so much better over the course of this last year. My only wish is that this Holiday season be full of love, laughter and quality time with the people I hold near and dear to my heart.
   
   Happy Thanksgiving! 

EIGHT Reminders when You Need it Most

There is always, always, always something to be thankful for. And that no matter how good or bad I have it, I must wake up each day thankful for my life, because someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs.

Truth be told, happiness is not the absence of problems, but the ability to deal with them. Imagine all the wondrous things your mind might embrace if it weren’t wrapped so tightly around your struggles. Always look at what you have, instead of what you have lost. Because it’s not what the world takes away from you that counts; it’s what you do with what you have left.

Here are a few reminders to help motivate you when you need it most:

#1. Pain is part of growing. Sometimes life closes doors because it’s time to move forward. And that’s a good thing because we often won’t move unless circumstances force us to. When times are tough, remind yourself that no pain comes without a purpose. Move on from what hurt you, but never forget what it taught you. Just because you’re struggling doesn’t mean you’re failing. Every great success requires some type of worthy struggle to get there. Good things take time. Stay patient and stay positive. Everything is going to come together; maybe not immediately, but eventually.

Remember that there are two kinds of pain: pain that hurts and pain that changes you. When you roll with life, instead of resisting it, both kinds help you grow.

#2. Everything in life is temporary. Every time it rains, it stops raining. Every time you get hurt, you heal. After darkness there is always light – you are reminded of this every morning, but still you often forget, and instead choose to believe that the night will last forever. It won’t. Nothing lasts forever.

So if things are good right now, enjoy it. It won’t last forever. If things are bad, don’t worry because it won’t last forever either. Just because life isn’t easy at the moment, doesn’t mean you can’t laugh. Just because something is bothering you, doesn’t mean you can’t smile. Every moment gives you a new beginning and a new ending. You get a second chance, every second. You just have to take it and make the best of it. (Read The Last Lecture.)

Irfan Khan / Los Angeles Times

#3. Worrying and complaining changes nothing. Those who complain the most, accomplish the least. It’s always better to attempt to do something great and fail than to attempt to do nothing and succeed. It’s not over if you’ve lost; it’s over when you do nothing but complain about it. If you believe in something, keep trying. Don’t let the shadows of the past darken the doorstep of your future. Spending today complaining about yesterday won’t make tomorrow any brighter. Take action instead. Let what you’ve learned improve how you live. Make a change and never look back.

And regardless of what happens in the long run, remember that true happiness begins to arrive only when you stop complaining about your problems and you start being grateful for all the problems you don’t have.

#4. Your scars are symbols of your strength. Don’t ever be ashamed of the scars life has left you with. A scar means the hurt is over and the wound is closed. It means you conquered the pain, learned a lesson, grew stronger, and moved forward. A scar is the tattoo of a triumph to be proud of. Don’t allow your scars to hold you hostage. Don’t allow them to make you live your life in fear. You can’t make the scars in your life disappear, but you can change the way you see them. You can start seeing your scars as a sign of strength and not pain.

Rumi once said, “The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” Nothing could be closer to the truth. Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most powerful characters in this great world are seared with scars. See your scars as a sign of “YES! I MADE IT! I survived and I have my scars to prove it! And now I have a chance to grow even stronger.”

#5. Every little struggle is a step forward.

In life, patience is not about waiting; it’s the ability to keep a good attitude while working hard on your dreams, knowing that the work is worth it. So if you’re going to try, put in the time and go all the way. Otherwise, there’s no point in starting. This could mean losing stability and comfort for a while, and maybe even your mind on occasion. It could mean not eating what, or sleeping where, you’re used to, for weeks on end. It could mean stretching your comfort zone so thin it gives you a nonstop case of the chills. It could mean sacrificing relationships and all that’s familiar. It could mean accepting ridicule from your peers. It could mean lots of time alone in solitude. Solitude, though, is the gift that makes great things possible. It gives you the space you need. Everything else is a test of your determination, of how much you really want it.

And if you want it, you’ll do it, despite failure and rejection and the odds. And every step will feel better than anything else you can imagine. You will realize that the struggle is not found on the path, it is the path. And it’s worth it. So if you’re going to try, go all the way. There’s no better feeling in the world… there’s no better feeling than knowing what it means to be ALIVE. (Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the “Goals and Success” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)

Francois Xavier Maritt/AFP/Getty Images

#6. Other people’s negativity is not your problem. Be positive when negativity surrounds you. Smile when others try to bring you down. It’s an easy way to maintain your enthusiasm and focus. When other people treat you poorly, keep being you. Don’t ever let someone else’s bitterness change the person you are. You can’t take things too personally, even if it seems personal. Rarely do people do things because of you. They do things because of them.

Above all, don’t ever change just to impress someone who says you’re not good enough. Change because it makes you a better person and leads you to a brighter future. People are going to talk regardless of what you do or how well you do it. So worry about yourself before you worry about what others think. If you believe strongly in something, don’t be afraid to fight for it. Great strength comes from overcoming what others think is impossible.

All jokes aside, your life only comes around once. This is IT. So do what makes you happy and be with whoever makes you smile, often.

Pierre Verdy/AFP/Getty Images

#7. What’s meant to be will eventually, BE. True strength comes when you have so much to cry and complain about, but you prefer to smile and appreciate your life instead. There are blessings hidden in every struggle you face, but you have to be willing to open your heart and mind to see them. You can’t force things to happen. You can only drive yourself crazy trying. At some point you have to let go and let what’s meant to be, BE.

In the end, loving your life is about trusting your intuition, taking chances, losing and finding happiness, cherishing the memories, and learning through experience. It’s a long-term journey. You have to stop worrying, wondering, and doubting every step of the way. Laugh at the confusion, live consciously in the moment, and enjoy your life as it unfolds. You might not end up exactly where you intended to go, but you will eventually arrive precisely where you need to be. (Read A New Earth.)

#8. The best thing you can do is to keep going. Don’t be afraid to get back up – to try again, to love again, to live again, and to dream again. Don’t let a hard lesson harden your heart. Life’s best lessons are often learned at the worst times and from the worst mistakes. There will be times when it seems like everything that could possibly go wrong is going wrong. And you might feel like you will be stuck in this rut forever, but you won’t. When you feel like quitting, remember that sometimes things have to go very wrong before they can be right. Sometimes you have to go through the worst, to arrive at your best.

Yes, life is tough, but you are tougher. Find the strength to laugh every day. Find the courage to feel different, yet beautiful. Find it in your heart to make others smile too. Don’t stress over things you can’t change. Live simply. Love generously. Speak truthfully. Work diligently. And even if you fall short, keep going. Keep growing.

Awake every morning and do your best to follow this daily TO-DO list:

Think positively. Eat healthy. Exercise today. Worry less. Work hard. Laugh often. Sleep well. Repeat…

Brenda McCarthy

“Everything is temporary, this too shall pass” is a phrase that always comes to my mind whenever things are not going well. All of these are excellent reminders. If you enjoyed this Marc and Angel’s tips, share them with your friends and family.

Reposted from This Site

My CORE Belief about Life

Never expect, never assume, never ask, and never demand. Just let it be. Because if it is meant to be, it will happen.

When we learn that we can only control our actions in this life, it seems confining and even unsettling because on some level we all want to feel like we’re in complete control. But when I thought more about this I came to a deeper understanding that actually made me feel free. Some things may happen exactly as you planned and others may not, but in the end it will be exactly as it should be.

Communication

My goal for the remainder of this school year, is to work on my communication with others. This includes my professional communication and personal communication with others. I have realized this is a short coming of mine, and I am going to need to work day after day at effecting change on this particular weakness.

I started tonight by asking Mike, "Do you ever think about the direction in which our relationship may evolve in regards to the future?" His response was, "Yea and it's def a convo we can have toomrrow." This gave me a whirlwind of emotions ... I have butterflies, nerves and the feelings I cannot associate a word with.

Mike and I have been together unofficially, for about two years now. We have officially been dating for approximately six months. We both are terrible at clearly communicating, but I feel like we have each worked at improving this in our own way. In my proclamation tonight, that I want to work at communicating effectively with others, I decided to ask Mike the question above.

Typical Christina, I wordsmithed how to phrase the question ... and talked to myself for probably thirty minutes about how to ask the question and what the possible outcomes were. For better or for worse, I am a thinker. I think about EVERYTHING. Sometimes this works to my advantage - I'd like to think I am sensitive to the feelings/emotions of others and extremely reflective. This ALSO works to my disadvantage ... I will think, and think, and think about something until I have totally taken the original thought out of context and convinced myself to belief something entirely different (and perhaps untrue). It's the thing I need to work on ... after I master this communication challenge. ::insert innocent giggle here::

I always put off the tough conversations. One good thing about dating Mike, however, is that I just realized our relationship is going to force me to speak up and initate things. THAT will impact me positively in all areas of my life ... or so I am thinking. He is not one to initiate ... therefore I will have to. And for the first time in my two years of knowing him, I am okay with that. I think it will be a good thing. I can use it to my benefit - in achieving my goal of communicating clearly and effectively.

But we need to have this conversation ... because we will be at year three in the blink of an eye. And we need to be on the same page. Where are we going? Where is this heading? I do not need to be married or engaged by tomorrow, or next year, but I'd like to know what direction are we looking in ... and is it the same for both of us? Also ... I have to move out of my place in June. I need to start figuring out what's my next dwelling ... whether it be with him or by myself/with roommates. And I want to know if we both feel this relationship has the potential to become serious [not that it's not pretty serious already].

If I were to be honest ... Mike is one of the most important people in my life. His opinion and his friendship mean so much to me. Do I think he is the one - I do not know. But I can see myself marrying him, and I am willing to work at *us* every day, for the rest of our lives. It'll take some hard work, but I am willing to do it by his side. I hold back sometimes, though, because I do not know what he feels or thinks. And after my tumultous previous relationship ... I am scared shitless about getting hurt (if I put myself out there) ... so I have almost trained myself to wait for his response to validate my own.

So I decided tonight ... I need to communicate and be honest about where I am at. If he decides he does not see a future ... or does not want to take that step ... I'll be crushed. I'll proably cry. But he's worth the risk ... and I am willing to take it to get some clarity on *us*. My new challenge for tomorrow, is to stick to the conversation. To not avoid it. Time [24 hours] will tell what the verdict is. Not that there will be a final verdict or a final decision rendered. I'm not really sure what to expect, if I am to be honest. But I think we need to be honest with one another. And make a vow in regards to what we do next. Do we consider living together in the near future? Do we consider planning for a lifetime together? Do we consider introducing one another to extended family/etc? Or do we plan to go seperate ways? Or to just go for the ride ...and jump off when we do not like it anymore?

I look forward to tomororw. I think only good can come out of the conversation. And this goes without saying ... regardless of what happens ... I am SO grateful for Michael Joseph Terwilliger. He is an amazing guy and one of my best friends. I love him with all of my heart and I am so glad I met him. There's something about him. Something that I cannot describe. But it keeps me coming back to him, time and time again. He is different than any guy I have ever dated ... and this journey has been crazy! But if I could go back and do it all over again, I would not change a thing. I think this relationship has unfolded exactly as it should. And it's made me become a better person. So Mike ... thank you for being you. Thank you for choosing me - or so it seems haha - day after day, week after week and month after month. I am not sure why you do ... but I am glad that you do.

Signing off ...