Be Encouraged.

These words gave me hope today. They made me feel encouraged during this rough patch that I am currently going through. I hope these words uplift your spirits too :o)

"Someone once told me to always live for the little things in life. Live for 5am sunrises and 5pm sunsets where you'll see colors in the sky that don't usually belong. Live for road trips and bike rides with music in your ears and the wind in your hair. Live for days when you're surrounded by your favorite people who make you realize that the world is not a cold, harsh place. Live for the little things because they will make you realize that this is what life is about, this is what it means to be alive" ― Anonymous

“We have to start recognizing love as a smile from a stranger on a day you’re feeling like there’s no hope left, and a text on your birthday from your once secret lover because they remembered you somehow, and being able to pay the bills or not and feed yourself or not but regardless know you’re trying and at the end of it all, just being able to take a breath and feel happy for absolutely no reason at all.” — Brianna Wiest,

Appreciate Being Single.

So the thirty-two year old guy, that I fell madly in LIKE with, turned out to be an ASSHOLE. I mean if I were to be honest, I got a funny feeling after our second date. Something just was not clicking and I couldn't figure out what it was. After our third date, when he pulled the ghost act, I couldn't help but feel as though this guy was beginning to remind me of my EX who TOO was the ultimate ASSHOLE.

But in Christina fashion, I kept hoping and believing that things would get better. That things would turn around. I mean, let's be real. I hardly ever fall in like with guys. The fact that this guy was 32, owned his own HOUSE, and taught special education made me swoon with raw emotion. He was tall and handsome. He had swagger for a white boy. He loved listening to old school R&B music. What was there NOT to like? I admired him so much and was drawn to his magnetic personality. The fact that he kept choosing to contact and hang out with me made him seem even more appealing.

But my gut continued to pulse, "NEXT." And after hanging out this past weekend, I've decided that this guy needs to get the BOOT. He did the ultimate ghost act AGAIN after we had made plans to hang out. Claimed he got caught up drinking with the boys. Blamed me for not texting him first to confirm our plans. And poof! Just like that, he fell off the face of the earth. Dejavu? I did this song and dance with my EX for four years too many.

One of my girlfriends said to me the other day, "I think you are attracted to a certain type of guy, and I am starting to believe that the type isn't healthy for you. You give your all and that's what you need to start doubting because you do not deserve to take someone's crap. You deserve the best." 

And after much reflection, I have realized that my friends are all right. I continue to settle for guys who do not value my worth. I once wrote a blog about God's perfect timing ... and I can clearly see that he is at it again. I stumbled across two articles/blogs the past two days that are literally crying out from the mountain tops to me. 

One guy said: "Women have become complacent and allowed men to get away with adhering to the bare minimum. Eventually, [they] will wise up and start asking for the things that they deserve, the things that used to be romantic and expected of men. Until then, men are going to get away with putting in the bare minimum and receiving what we ultimately want anyway." 

In reflection, the above statement is SO TRUE about me! I have allowed the guys I have been interested in the most, get away with doing barely anything. I am always afraid to speak up and ask for what I deserve, which results in my getting upset when I feel like I am being taken advantage of or played for a fool. But news flash ... I hold the cards! And I need to change MY approach to how I date men and who I am selecting for being potential dates. 

The other guy wrote: "As a woman, you have to have the confidence in yourself to know that you deserve someone who is into you. Don’t play the games. There are no games to be played here. It’s very cut and dry. If they’re into you, they’re into you, if they’re not, they did you a great service. If they text you instead of calling you, they don’t want a conversation on the phone.  Don’t play the games with the person. Be honest with yourself to know what you want as a person. Value yourself enough to know – they’re not going to play a texting game with you if they’re into you. At the same time, don’t make it so over-complicated that you scare the guy away. It should be simple. Like dancing."

Again, the above statement is TRUE! I need to be honest with myself and determine what is it that I want in a potential partner? And I need to build my confidence that I deserve someone who is in to me ... not someone who is going to be an ASS and take advantage of me.

I am SO glad that I came across both articles AND that both were written from the perspective of a male. My girlfriends are GREAT however they think like me - a girl. We often romanticize things and try to sugar coat and/or find excuses. The posts written by these two men were honest and real - cut and dry - black and white. And their words were exactly what I needed to hear. 

So in closing, I am ending the chapter of the 32-year-old gentleman boy. And I am going to turn to a fresh page to rewrite the chapter of the 25-year-old single woman. It is time to return to becoming everything that I want for myself, appreciating what I have to offer and setting the standards for what I expect from another person. 

As Daniel Goddard said, "You need to be able to appreciate being single because that is when you will grow the most, and with that growth, you’ll come to know what you’re looking for. Great things will happen to you when you respect yourself and embrace that you are here on this planet to do something wonderful. Find whatever it is that’s wonderful and do it. And with that you will attract someone wonderful."

THIS is why I teach.

A good friend of mine posted the excerpt below as her face book status this evening. After a long and somewhat frustrating day with special education students, I was feeling down and out ... until I came across this status. These words explain exactly why I wake up and go into school every morning. I teach in hopes that I will touch the life of at least one child ... that I will make a long lasting difference in their little words. I am so glad that I had an opportunity to read the words below ... it woke me up this afternoon, a solemn reminder of why I need to shake off the frustrations of today and go into work tomorrow with a smile on my face! 

Occasionally, in the business of children, you'll come across those who, in their short few years, have fashioned a tough exterior. You'll know, from experience, that any efforts to push your way through will be futile. This is where you dig your heels in, present yourself at the beginning and say, "You have the tools you need. I'll be over here if you need me." And you are. Every single time.

One day, you'll look up and see this child standing before you and he'll say, "Remember that time over at the table, when I told you to get out of my life?" And you will say, "Yes?" And then he will say what you are hoping he would say and that is, "I didn't mean it."

But it doesn't end there. This brief exchange restores your faith in who you are and why you do what you do. Deal sealed.

- Kim Soles 

Words of Inspiration for Today

"Today, get a new perspective. God has given you exactly what you need for the season that you’re in. You have the talent, the friends, the connections, the resources, the experience you need for right now. It doesn’t mean that’s all you’re ever going to have. You may need more next month or next year. When that time comes, God will make sure that you have what you need. Because your trust is in the Lord, you don’t have to worry. You lack no good thing." - Joel Osteen

I needed to hear this ... maybe you do to :o)

My Weekend in Pictures

My weekend was FABULOUS and I hope, if you're reading this, that yours was too! Here's my weekend in review:

FRIDAY

I drove 7 hours round trip to and from Busch Gardens in Willamsburg, VA. It was my first time at this park as an adult and I had a great time overall :o) It was fun to get away with some old friends and enjoy the sunshine and scenery. So many times during that trip, I wanted to give up while driving. It is SO stressful driving 6 people in a min van, going 70 hours per hour and having NO CLUE where you're going. The GPS kept losing signal and giving us the wrong directions. At one point, I seriously thought that we would never make it to our destination. But we got to and from the park in one piece, and I can cross driving more than an hour to an unfamiliar place off of my bucket list! 

SATURDAY

I drove my family down to the Inner Harbor in Baltimore, MD and we celebrated my dad's 54th birthday! We dined and grubbed at Bubba Gumps - which was truly a great time together! We then walked a few blocks to Federal Hill and overlooked the entire city. My dream is to move to Baltimore - before starting a family. I absolutely love it down there and it's always so much fun to return and visit my old stomping grounds! 

SUNDAY

My family and I went up to the Linganore Winery for the Reggae Wine Fest! Mom made potato salad and chicken, and I brought some cheese and crackers. We sat outdoors in beautiful weather and listened to live Reggae music while sipping on bottles of tasty Linganore Wine! I purchased a bottle of their Blackberry wine ... it was mmm mmm good! This was my dad's first time at an event like this, and it was fun to see him thoroughly enjoying himself! 

MONDAY

I purchased a new couch! My adored red love seat is no longer my own - I have generously given it to my Dad for use in the basement family room. Although I am sad to see my beloved red love seat go, I am super excited to enjoy this new couch! It's bigger and it matches the interior of my apartment! I also had my carpets steam cleaned today! You know you're old when a new piece of furniture and cleaned carpets make you happy! 

Here's to a wonderful week :o) 

Single Behavior: Anything you do that is uniquely YOU

I am blessed to have lived alone for about a year and a half now :o) During this time, I have been as SINGLE as they come. I seldom have guys over here, and when I am home - I am often alone, alone, ALONE. Don't get me wrong ... I enjoy the peace and quiet of my own home! But I am pretty sure that there are some things I do <when no one is around> that are uniquely me.

For Example I...

• Often enter my home, at the end of a long day, and strip down to my undies. I then put on my favorite pair of sweatpants and a big old t-shirt to frolic about my house in. These sweatpants are disgustingly old (from my days as a high school field hockey player) however I LOVE them and feel the most at home when I am in them.

• Lie on my red couch for HOURS some nights/days surfing the Internet (and by Internet, I mean pinterest, face book, twitter, blogger and Gmail). The TV is generally always on, but I am not listening to the episode of Real Housewives that I missed last night. I zone out and get lost in cyberspace until I look up and realize I have done NOTHING for the past four hours, and then kick myself for not getting done the laundry list of things I needed to get done.

• I will turn on my iPod nano that's docked on my iPod speakers thingy, and belt out songs that I have literally not heard since college (considering ... that was the LAST time I've probably used my nano). Some songs I will replay 5+ times, just to hear myself sing it again - because one I forgot how much I loved the song and two ... I think I sound amazing singing at the top of my lungs in my favorite sweatpants. 

• I'll go a week without cleaning a thing in my house ... and then have the entire place cleaned top to bottom within twenty minutes before my guests come over :o) 

I am sure there are a million more things that I do ... and I just do not realize that I do them. It'll be interesting to hear from a future mate what it is that I do <and never noticed> when the time comes to move in together haha. In the meantime, I will continue to enjoy my own space, my own place and the crazy things I am able to do behind my closed doors!

#theSW30

Where you are in your life vs. where you thought you would be at this point

If anyone had asked me seven years ago where I would be at this point in my life, I would have told them that I would be a general ed teacher who was happily married (to my ex) with a baby. If I was not married, I figured I would be in a long-term relationship headed for engagement. Ha! Kind of funny looking back at it now. 

But I often marvel at where I am in life NOW, because it's a testament to God's perfect will. He continually shows me that his plans are so great for my life ... greater than I could have ever imagined, and that is powerful. 

I am currently in my fourth year of teaching special education for the top county in my state. This week I finish my FIRST graduate school course, the first achievement of my three year journey towards earning my master's degree. Heck! I am working towards my MASTER'S DEGREE! That truthfully is one dream I never had for myself. I just never thought about it growing up. 

I am blessed to be living on my own for my second year! I am able to pay my bills (rent, electricity, cell phone, cable) AND put groceries in the refrigerator. I am able to put gas in my car and pay my two hefty undergraduate loans each month. But I live on my own! In a brand new apartment with brand new hardwood floors and appliances. That is another dream that I never had for myself. I just NEVER imagined it. God had a plan - and he aligned all necessary things for this opportunity to occur.

I am working two part time jobs for extra cash - to you know, life the extraordinary single life haha. It's a heavy load working three jobs, however I am BLESSED beyond measure to have been given these opportunities. I tutor a young man with autism, and I am fortunate to make under the table cash from seeing him for a n hour once a week. I am a blessing to his family - as they continue to marvel at the progress he is making in school academically :o) I am also a blessing to their nanny - as I am able to provide her with resources to help her young son who is just starting kindergarten. After failed tutoring opportunities, where I was underpaid or overworked ... this is a blessing that I never dreamt of! And it came RIGHT ON TIME as another tutoring gig ended unexpectedly -- and I worried about where my extra cash would come from to help make ends meet. God is Good! 

Then I also recently started working with a second young man with autism, providing social skills therapy for three hours a week. This job opportunity came out of NOWHERE! It came at the same time that I decided that I could no longer work 3 hours on the weekend because it was taking a toll on me emotionally -and- because I needed time to commit to graduate school work. GOD IS GOOD! I never imagined this opportunity or what doors it would open. And let me tell you ... I have a funny feeling that more doors may open as a result of this opportunity - and I am SO excited to see where God is taking me next on this avenue. 

I talk to myself all the time - haha I do when I am driving - in amazement about where I am now! My plans for my life have NOTHING on the plans that God has for me, and has shown me little by little. 

Now, please do not think for one minute that I have the perfect life. I struggle daily. I struggle with loving myself for who I am. I struggle with insecurities. I struggle with sadness and worry. I struggle with letting go and letting God take control over my life ... because let's be real, I WANT TO BE IN CONTROL. I want to know EXACTLY what's going to happen next in my life, and I want to know EXACTLY where I will be two weeks from now. 

But I think that's the beauty of this journey ... and of seeing how God works. He knows control is by ultimate shortcoming. Yet he continues to move in my life and get the last grin saying, "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jer 29:11)

So looking back ... I am so THANKFUL that I worship a God who has a plan that's greater for me than I could have ever imagined. He has led me to new heights in life that I would have never imagined. And it gives me hope and promise <when I am not stressing out over why MY plans are not working> that this is just the beginning! He is just beginning to reveal his perfect plans for my life ... so I need to sit back and stay tuned because in ten more years ... I will be at a point in life that I never would've foresaw where I am sitting now. And that's kind of exciting don't you think? 

theSW30

Five things that are most important to you in a future mate

It's funny looking back and thinking about the qualities I used to desire in a future mate. I recall my eighteen-year-old self thinking a six foot, blonde hair, blue eyed football player WAS the one for me. I remember being on my college campus, and locking eyes with any football player really. Tall, dark and handsome or tall, blonde and handsome ... this was my *type* and I was shallow enough to believe that THAT (a football player or dumb jock with a certain build - 200 or more pounds - and a two diamond stud earrings in the ears) was who I wanted to settle down with.

After experiencing a devastating break up and dating countless WRONG guys for me, I've determined in my adult life that there are specific things that I need in a man or rather seek in a future mate. Although there are certain physical qualities I find attractive, I also recognize that beauty is more than what meets the eye and I need a guy with a beautiful inside <sounds lame right?>.

So here are the FIVE MOST IMPORTANT qualities that I'd like to find in the gentleman I am to marry:

1. Faith. I deeply desire marrying someone who is a Christian. Although I do not attend church regularly, or any church function for that matter, I was raised in the church and my faith is very important to me. I'd like to be with someone with a similar Christian upbringing and who understands the importance of faith. It is my dream to raise my children in the church, and in order to do so, I need to be with someone who is equally yoked and has similar values :o)

2. Intelligence. I find it extremely attractive to talk to educated men. Men who enjoy reading and who are critical thinkers - who love learning and are continually seeking more information. As a nerd myself, I would like to settle with someone who can challenge me intellectually. Who can introduce new ways of thinking to me or expand my knowledge on anything. Someone with whom I too can challenge intellectually. I've dated far too many dumb jocks (it's true) and there's nothing less stimulating than an individual who can ONLY talk about football and video games.

3. Determination. Life is hard. Sometimes it hands you a bag of lemons and a series of setbacks. But you have to fall down six times and get back up seven. I desire a mate who is determined. Who will not let life knock him down to his knees for long. Someone who has dreams and aspirations, and who is determined to see these become realities. Someone who is determined to climb the career ladder, or to make time for their kids and family, who will never give up when times get hard.

4. Family Oriented. I come from a HUGE family. I am talking at least fifteen first aunts and uncles and over thirty cousins. I see at least fifteen of my relatives biweekly. I see my family (mom,dad,sister,brother) at least three times a week. I love spending time with family and I want to raise a large family. I desire a mate who values family too! Who enjoys spending time with relatives (not once a year at Thanksgiving only) and who is interested in having children and raising a family of our own.

5. Sense of Humor. I like to joke and laugh. I like to have fun. I need someone who can make me laugh. Or someone who will laugh when times get hard - who will find a sense of humor and joy in the simple things. Life is too short to be serious all the time - and I'd like for a mate who gets that :o)

I am not sure if these traits are a little outrageous ... but I do hope to find all of these things in a mate one day :o)

#theSW30

“Every woman has the exact love life she wants”

I am not sure how I feel about the quote, "Every woman has the EXACT love life she wants." In fact, I do not agree with this quote at all. When considering this quote - I think it's important to think about reality but also a woman's hope and dreams as well.

Reality?

I am single. I am 25 years old. I work full-time and go to graduate school part-time. I work two extra part time jobs (in addition to my full-time job). I was in a serious relationship for 3+ years.  It took me 3+ years to grieve the break-up and transition into the life (and reality) I have come to cherish now. I do not trust guys due to past experiences with them. I am afraid to be vulnerable. To allow myself to let someone else in. I do not want my heart broken again unnecessarily. The reality of my life suggests that I am a cynical workaholic who wants to be single and left alone.

My Hopes and Dreams?

To fall in love again. With someone who I can trust. To find a man who is attracted to my personality, heart and mind FIRST, before he finds my looks attractive. To find someone who enjoys nature and being outdoors as much as I do. To find someone who loves to watch football. To find someone who loves to laugh and have a good time. To find someone who wants to DO things ... not stay at home all the time. To find someone who likes to go on new adventures and to travel to places never seen. Who wants to experience new things and grow together both in mind, heart and spirit. My hopes and dreams represent the LOVE LIFE that I want. I just have not encountered it yet. 

#theSW30

Biggest Misconception About Single Life

The BIGGEST misconception that females seem to have about [my] single life is that I am lonely. My girlfriends in relationships - and sometimes women I do not even [really] know in relationships - frown and say, "Aaaaawwwww..." when they find out that I am single. They immediately ask if I am dating anyone, or on any dating websites, or if I want to meet the friend of their friend's friend's cousin for a blind date.

When dating potentials do not work out, these women frown and say, "Awwwwwwwww..." AGAIN and give me lots of pep talks about things working out, and maybe this guy IS the one and I just have to give it some more time. What these overly caring and sincere [ha] women fail to realize though is ... I am NOT that upset over being single and/or failed dating potentials. Okay ... so maybe once a month I may be a little sulky ... but 99.8% of the time, I could care less.

I am NOT lonely. I get to go home and lay on my couch in my bra and underwear. I can eat a bowl of cereal for dinner. I can watch reruns of Real Housewives of New Jersey. I can curl up  on the right side or spread out in the middle of my bed under my covers. I can not brush my teeth before bed and turn my tunes up really loud when showering, and sing at the top of my lungs. I can go out for drinks with girlfriends at 10pm on a Friday night or hit up the dance floor and show off my cool moves [without feeling guilty about who I am dancing with or what boyfriend I've left at home playing Grand Theft Auto 5].

I am not lonely ... and at times it REALLY bothers me that you INSIST that I may be LONELY.

So enough about my female companions. What about the male mind? What seems to be the BIGGEST misconception that men have about [my] love life? Hmm ... well I'd have to say the NUMBER ONE misconception is that I am interested in a one night stand or hook-up. That I need to *get some* and/or that I really want to *get some* with you. AAAAAH! Wrong answer. I am  NOT looking for a hookup. In fact, I am HIGHLY offended that that is ALL that you thought of in regards to me. I am actually quite content in my current state ... and unless you take the time to get to know ME - my heart, my personality, my intellect - then I have no DESIRE to entertain you or your STUPID misconceptions about me.

What I have learned about being single is that this is the greatest opportunity I may ever have to get to really know myself. To learn what my greatest attributes are and to learn about my most flawed qualities. This is also my time in life to figure out what it is that I am looking for in a man - a husband - a partner for life. Being single and dating allows for me to say: Why yes! That is something that I'd like to find in my future mate or WHY NO! That is NOT what I am looking for in a mate.

So the next time someone insinuates that I am lonely or desperate (for lack of a better word), I want to tell them: You Are Wrong! I am enjoying this journey in life - the ups, the downs and everything else about it. I am grateful for the lessons I am learning about life and myself ... and I am keeping my dream alive that one day ... I may find the one who God has destined for me :o)

On a parting note ... a face book friend of mine posted this link this evening:

How to Find a Real Man: Who He is and Why He’s Worth the Wait

My charge for you - single friend reading this post - is to: 

"Believe that waiting to find someone that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated is better than settling. So press forward with hope.  And there is hope! Just be patient, broaden your horizons, remember the qualities that are most important,  and you will attract the kind of man that will ultimately make you the happiest. It will be worth the wait."

#theSW30

Your biggest fear as a single person...

I have many fears as a single person, but my BIGGEST fear is that ten years from now I will still be single.

I have watched several of my closest girlfriends fall in love over the past few years. These wonderful ladies are now getting engaged [and some are even pregnant with their first babies!] While I am so happy for them, I worry that I will miss the train and find myself on the corner of old maid.

I mean, let's be real here. My BIGGEST dream in life is to be a loving wife and momma. To build a life with a husband. To create a loving and welcoming home for others to retreat in. To have several beautiful little babies and to raise them. To grow old with this husband, and to cherish the fruits of our labor ... the outcome of our decision to join in unison as one.

Although I can be a bit cynical sometimes ... my biggest dream continues to live on. And I hope and pray that this dream will put out the light of my fears ... until the dream is achieved and the fears linger no more.

#theSW30

When Being Single Was Really Awesome

Yesterday I wrote about when being single sucks ... and today I am writing about when it is awesome.

Being Single is AWESOME when...

• I see a really cute guy and I want to flirt.
• I am at the beach (or a bar) and I want free drinks. 
• You're dating ... and you get to enjoy a variety of FREE dinners.
• You want to randomly pack up and travel for the weekend.
• During the holidays ... once less gift to purchase, HELLO!
• You are out with your girlfriends on the dance floor ... enough said.
• You are tired in the evening, and just want to be alone or go to bed.
• You want to go ANYWHERE ... no need to ask for permission.
• You live on your own - No greater experience then living by yourself.
• I want to watch girly shows on TV instead of football or the sports center.
• I make a TERRIBLE dish ... no one else is eating, so no judgement passed.

I have my moments when I wish that I was in a relationship ... but overall, it has been SUCH a blessing being single the past two or three years. I have grown SO much and learned so much about myself. I am grateful for the lessons this journey has taught me, and I hope that it makes me appreciate being in a relationship even more when the time is right.

#theSW30

Describe a Moment When Being Single Really Sucked

I have been thinking for about twenty-four hours about a moment when being single really sucked. I've combed my thoughts and memories, hoping that there would be one AHA moment that would stand out when being single was the PITS.

However, I have come up with NOTHING in my search for one exact moment that I hated being single. My first love and I dated for a total of about five years. He was my world and I just knew he was the one with whom I would settle down with. Ha - we've all been there right? Thinking that our first love would be our last?

Anyhow, when he broke up with me, I was DEVASTATED. I really took a tumble down hill with that breakup and it took me about three years to REALLY get over him and the loss of our relationship. During those three years of "recovery" and trying to put the pieces of my life and emotions back together, being single really sucked when:

• Valentine's Day rolled around (and I watched all of my girlfriends in relationships go out to romantic dinners and receive lots of little trinkets from their beloved). In fact ... one year when my Ex and I were having a particularly rough time, I just knew he was NOT going to purchase me a Valentine's gift. So I purchased myself a Tiffany's necklace and scheduled it to arrive on Valentine's day, so that maybe for a few minutes, I would not feel left out.
• The Holidays ... Thanksgiving and Christmas were SUPER hard for me. I recall being in my senior year of college and not wanting to come home ... because I knew that all of the memories of Holidays with my Ex would come flooding in full force. And sure enough, they did! I spent many late nights driving around town and listening to depressing Christmas songs (like Mariah Carey's I miss you most at Christmas time) to sob both privately and uncontrollably away from my sleeping family members.
• On October 7 (until last year) was a day when being single REALLY sucked. It was the anniversary date of my Ex and I. And until last year - I'd cry and sulk and journal about "the one who got away." In hindsight, however, he was the one who chose to walk away ... so I guess that doesn't really count as someone who got away.
• During summer and autumn because everyone is out and about ... at the beach, at the pumpkin patch or at football games, and it stinks being the third wheel with your coupley friends for these activities. Or better yet, wanting to go do these things and none of your girlfriends want to because A) they are already in a relationship and want to do it with their love or B) their single and would rather sit at home and sulk.
• I need help with my car (i.e. oil change, engine light is on) or when I need help hanging up things in my apartment (or killing little spiders and bugs). When I find myself in these moments, I often remark outloud: "It would be nice to have a boyfriend right about now." Ha!
• I am out at a bar and guys (that I am SO not interested in) hit on me! I always wish I had a cute boy nearby to say: "Sorry but my boyfriend is over there fellas."
• When guys who you cherish as DEAR friends begin to hit on you. You can tell they have feelings and they are trying to move out of the friend zone into the boyfriend zone ... and your STUCK! You dont want to hurt their feelings (because they're your friend) and you hate yourself for not being attracted to them (although you see some of their good qualities ... I mean you picked him as a friend right?) And you then wish that you were already in a relationship ... so you wouldn't even have to travel down this awkward winding road.
• AND when you finally meet a guy and fall "in-like." You start getting giddy at the thought of him calling or texting you. You grin from ear to ear and wear your best clothes. You laugh at all of his jokes and your heart skips a beat when his touch grazes your arm or leg. You begin to let your guard down and become emotionally vunerable ... and then BAM! He disappears from the face of the earth, and your crushed wondering whre things went wrong. And then you're reminded that you are STILL single.

I guess I've just outline my moments when being single really sucks. ;) And I am grateful that I am in a place right now where I am content with being single (most of the time anyway haha).

#theSW30

And Why Are You Still Single?

Why Am I Still Single?

I am STILL single because ...

• I do not fall "in-like" with guys easily.
• I do not enjoy dating. 
• I want the next guy I date to be the last.
• I want to find a man who "has to seek God first to find me."
• I am afraid to get hurt, again.
• I value my independence.
• I am STILL learning about who I am and what I want out of life.
• I am focused on my career and graduate school.
• I am afraid to let go of control.
• I have several insecurities and scars from my last long-term relationship.
• I joke about having a thousand cats. 
• I do not go out enough to places where I can meet quality guys.

And .... I am STILL single because ...I have not met a guy that challenges me to be a better person ... or who opens up my eyes to other worlds and possibilities ... or who sees ME first [my heart, my soul and my intellect] instead of my curves and looks. This is WHY I am still single.

#theSW30

30 Day Blogging Challenge

At some point during the course of the last year or two, I stumbled across Mandy Hale's blog: The Single Woman. It was during a time in my life when I was REALLY struggling with the idea of being a newly single young woman. I would read Mandy's blogs daily and her words were always uplifting and encouraging. She was the Joel Osteen of single ladies. Ha! No but seriously, I then began to follow her on twitter. And this summer, I purchased her book to read at my leisure; and let me tell you, I am in love with this woman and the words of encouragement she shares through all of her writings.

So you  can only imagine my excitement as I stumbled across one of her recent facebook posts asking woman to join in on her 30 day blogging challenge :o)

The Single Woman’s 30-Day Blogging Challenge

1)      Your response to everyone’s favorite question: “And why are YOU still single?”

2)      Describe a moment or a day when being single really sucked.

3)      Describe a moment or a day when being single was really awesome.

4)      Your biggest fear as a single person.

5)      The biggest misconception you think people have about single life

6)      Sound off on the quote “Every woman has the exact love life she wants”

7)      Where you are in your life vs. where you thought you would be at this point

8)      Five things that are most important to you in a future mate

9)      Your favorite “weird/funny single behavior” – Anything you do that is uniquely YOU and that living alone allows you to do (For example, I sometimes dance around the house with my cat to Frank Sinatra)

10)   Google the meaning of your name and talk about how it fits or doesn’t fit you

11)   Your worst/funniest/most embarrassing date

12)   Your proudest accomplishment

13)   Describe how you met the last person you texted and talk about your friendship/relationship

14)   Describe the last moment you felt really, truly blissful

15)   Narrate a conversation between you and someone in your life who you never had closure with (a friend, an ex, a family member, etc.) What would you say? What would they say? What outcome would you hope for?

16)   If you planted a time capsule right now of your life to be opened in 20 years, what would be in it?

17)   What are your spiritual beliefs and how do they impact your relationships/relationship status?

18)   If you could have a conversation with yourself in high school, what would you say?

19)   What is something about you that people would be surprised to learn?

20)   Describe your most difficult breakup and what you learned from it

21)   How would you pitch a reality show about yourself? To what network?

22)   What fictional character in a movie, tv show, or book do you identify with and why?

23)   Talk about a moment when you got annoyed with a married friend, a person in a relationship, or a person with kids (Be honest! No judgment!)

24)   If you could relive ONE day of your life, what would it be? And would you change anything?

25)   Describe a moment when you “paid it forward.” What happened and how did it feel?

26)   Name a song that makes you cry every time you hear it and why

27)   Talk about something that you really, really, really love about yourself.

28)   Describe a moment when you made a big, bold move. In any area of life: Career, Love, etc.

29)   Who is your closest or most special friend that you’ve never met and what do they mean to you? How did you cross paths? Talk about how you “met” them: Facebook, Twitter, an online support group, etc.

30)   Write a letter to your future mate saying whatever you want to say

Invite anyone who you think might be interested to participate. Post links to your blog posts in the comments below so we can all check them out! Or use the hashtag #TheSW30 on Twitter!

I am going to take the challenge and see where this journaling experience leads me. If you're single, and reading this ... and you love to write too, I encourage you to also participate!

Happy Saturday Pals!

Autumn Romances

"I keep him tucked away in the far corners of my heart. He was my first love, and you never truly forget your first. I thank God everyday for making him a part of my life. But I thank God twice a day for setting me free of him."

So ... I should be finishing up my paper that is due tomorrow for grad class. However, I cannot help but let my mind drift off to thoughts about love, dating and relationships. I recently began dating this new guy - and I am pretty sure that this relationship will go nowhere. The guy seemed really into me at first - and I was into him - but after two weeks of going on dates, it seems that communication has stopped flowing and that we are even more strangers than we were in the beginning. Figures - how embarrassing. I have spent countless evenings [losing sleep] over analyzing this whole situation. And after at least a week of these sleepless nights, tear stained pillows and talking myself crazy ... I got NOTHING. 

I cannot decide if I did something wrong. I cannot decide if I am just not ready to date again. I cannot decide if I said something wrong ... or if I am too young ... or if I am not interesting enough ... or if he's just really [and never was really] that into me ... or WHAT. I've read countless blog articles and glamour magazine articles the past few evenings about "Signs he is into you" and "Signs he is just not that into you." I have watched the move He's Just Not That Into You. I have belted my heart out to countless sad songs (the same ones I used to listen to when my ex and I broke up). And I have sat for hours replaying and replaying events. Analyzing and over analyzing everything. Still ... I got NOTHING.

Want to know what's worse than all of the above? I am suddenly feeling an urge to get my palm read or to visit a psychic. I never in a million years have ever wanted to do this - but I am feeling desperate. I want to know ... I am DYING to know ... will I ever fall in love again? Will I ever find someone to settle down with? And if so [before I decide to go purchase 5,000 kittens] how long until I meet the one? 

I've come to realize several things about myself:

• I am impatient
• I need to be touched 
• I need to be complimented
• I need to be the center of attention (I hate admitting this one]
• I need to be honest and direct
• I like to talk ... talk about my feelings ... talk about your feelings...
• I like to see where things are going ... and have no surprises or curve balls
• I need to be somewhat in control
• I am TRULY a LEO (zodiac sign)

These are all TERRIBLE characteristics ... but I've realized that about myself through dating this guy, and to some degree - maybe some of these things are nonnegotiable. 

Even more true ... I've realized that my relationship with my EX (or my first true love) has truly created some scars, wounds and insecurities deep within me. I have not really dated past a first date and I have not gone out of my way to date guys too much within the past three or four years since Sean and I split. This new dating experience - and my realization that I really liked this guy - brought up all these wounds, scars and memories that I had developed scabs over or had pushed into the dusty spots of my memory. *Falling* for someone and making myself vulnerable/putting myself out there reopened all of these feelings and fears that I have worked SO hard to suppress and forget over the last couple of years.

So the question becomes - what now? I obviously have a lot of things to work on. But also, at what point do I recognize that when I meet the perfect man - it should not have to be this much work? Or maybe, I should not have these overwhelming feelings of insecurity and fear. I am so mad at myself for letting my emotions get caught up in this new guy - for letting him in and for letting myself fall apart. But at the same time, I am also proud of myself for getting back out there and realizing both my good attributes and shortcomings. What an experience the month of September gave me :o) What a life lesson! 

So as I ponder all of these thoughts - and tell myself repeatedly: "This new guy will not call me again. This relationship IS over. Move on ..." I also take a moment to recall my first love. Our *anniversary* was October 7th ... and what a chapter of my life that boy was. I miss his friendship dearly ... but I send love and light to him halfway across the world ... I truly hope he is doing well :o) He will be forever tucked away in the corners of my heart ... for it was with him that I first learned what it felt like to be in love and when I learned what it feels like to have your heart completely and utterly broken. I am so glad he was my first - but I am so glad that I am free of him [and that I am slowly but surely getting back out there and trying to meet new people]. 

Maybe one day I will find my true love ... Maybe one day I will learn to let go of these fears.