Merry Christmas Eve

At the start of the week, I was very upset that several of the third grade students I work with tirelessly, only gave gifts to my co-teacher. I was shocked that the thought never occurred to them or their families to at least give me a card, wishing me a happy holiday. The worst part was seeing my co-teacher's desk pile up with gifts from the students, while my desk remained empty. I felt pangs of jealously throughout the day, although reflecting on it, there was no need for jealousy. I am abundantly blessed. I have everything I need. I teach to make a difference in the lives of these students. Not to walk away with a mountain of Christmas gifts.

But I was truly humbled by two acts of kindness that occurred yesterday.

In addition to my co-teacher in third grade, I have two co-teachers in kindergarten. When I entered the classroom of one of them on Tuesday morning, she came over to me with an envelope and said, "Here's your part of the class gift!" She explained that our students had collectively contributed $210 dollars for the class gift, and in my envelope was half of that sum.

Overwhelmed at the generosity of the students, I asked which kids contributed so that I could write thank you notes. While peering over her shoulder, I realized that this gift was supposed to only be for her. The slips of paper that kids had returned with their contribution, indicated that the money was being collected for my co-teacher ... not the two of us.

She would probably never admit it, and I will never question it. However I was truly humbled by her generosity. She could have easily pocketed that money. Stuck it in her purse and continued about her day. I would have never known. But she felt that we were a team, and that the gift should be shared equally between us.

Ya know the old saying, actions speak louder than words? THAT was an example of exactly that. I will ALWAYS remember her kindness. Her spirit. Her heart. Her action speaks volumes about her character and who she is as a person, and I am so grateful for a caring co-teacher.

I was humbled once more by another act of kindness.

I have a student who has two parents under the age of twenty. His family clearly has very little and I did not expect any gifts. However, his mother gave me a white envelope with a $5 giftcard to McDonald's. I could tell she was embarrased. She repeated over and over again that she is so sorry that she did not have anything more to give. That the gift was not much. But that gift touched my heart. She was thoughtful. She was kind. She gave when she did not have much to give. She wanted to let me know she's grateful for the work that I am doing with her son.

I realized this week, I was entering this season of Christmas with all of the wrong ideas. Money was on my mind as I splurged on gifts for loved ones. Money was on my mind as I asked for gifts ... and I took note of what gifts family and friends were planning to give me. It was not that I was keeping score, yet a part of me felt that it was necessary. At work, the number of gifts from staff and students was on my mind as I collected gifts with open arms. Here unfortunately, I was keeping score.

I am ashamed at my selfishness. I am embarrassed at my attitude. I am abundantly blessed. I have everything I need. Anything extra is exactly that, extra. A blessing. A kind deed. A kind thought. So as I prepare to host family tonight for a Christmas Eve gathering, I am humbled to remember that Jesus is the Reason for the season. Let us find joy in celebrating the birth of baby Jesus. In spending time with loved ones from near and far. In remembering that we are abundantly blessed, and God gives us everything we need. He always provides.

If you're reading this, I wish you a Merry Christmas! May you too be humbled this Christmas season by the love and/or kind heart of another.

Romans Eight Twenty-Eight

The neat thing about this blog, is that it has provided a creative outlet for me over the past five or so years. When browsing through past entries, it ceases to amaze me how much I have changed and grown over these years. I am humbled by the trials, struggles and heartbreaks I've written about. I am humored by the various adventures I have embarked on. I am comforted by the posts about individuals who have made a difference in my life. Who have loved me and supported me through the ups and downs. I am inspired by accounts of hope, joy and friendship. I marvel at my beautiful life. Forever changing. Ups and downs. Tears and smiles. How beautiful it is to be alive.

Just the another night I had an "aha" moment, when I realized the past two or three years of been periods of tremendous growth for me. I look back at who I was, and at times, I no longer recognize that girl. I have blossomed into a lady ... one whom I am very proud of ... one who I admire. Heck, I may not have it all. And I may not embody all of the traits I desire. But I really like me. I like who I've become. I like where I am going. I know who I am and whose I am. I do not have everything figured out - but I am okay with that. I am living in the moment and trying to live each day to the fullest.

Just last Thursday, I hosted my first Thanksgiving. And the next day, I purchased my first car. I am twenty-six years old and half way through graduate school. I have a career that I love. I career that I am passionate about. I am somehow managing to keep a roof over my head and food on my table. I am saving for the future and paying off college debt. I have a loving and supportive family. I have loving and supportive girlfriends. I am healthy and vibrant - the possibilities for my future are endless. I can only dream of what the future entails ... what it has in store for me.

And I realized ... that is what I am thankful for this year. My last post was so generic ... borrowed ideas from another author. But they were not my ideas. They were not from the heart. I took to my blog Thanksgiving morning ... and could not find the words to properly express what it is that I am thankful for. But tonight ... I found them. The words bellowed out of my chest, onto my fingertips and finally into your hearts. I am so thankful for the blessings in my life.

Sometimes I loose sight of all the good that is occurring in my life. The daily stresses and frustrations of life bog a girl down sometimes. My heart sighs heavily with grief when I remember I am still up for grabs in the marriage department. But I no longer wish to be someone I am not. I no longer covet the traits of my peers. I like who I am. I like whose I am. And that's something within itself, because it took me a hell of a long time to get to this place.

Twenty-six has been interesting. To say the very least. But I am liking it. 25 was a hell of a year - a life changer for sure. That year was monumental for me in so many ways. But I am beginning to realize 26 [and 2015] may have that effect on me too.

So raise a glass ... here's a toast to being Thankful. Not only during the month of November. Not only at Thanksgiving. But all year long. And I also raise my glass to toast the month of December. Here's to remembering to give thanks each and every day. To appreciate good company. To praise God for the the blessings he bestows upon us daily. And to good faith ... keeping hope alive ... keeping our chins up ... knowing that everything is working out for our good. [Romans 8:28]